Disney Parks Ride Guide - Magic Kingdom

Oh, boy. Here it is. The big one. There are SO MANY RIDES at Magic Kingdom.
For convenience, I will be going clockwise, starting in Adventureland.

RIDES

The Magic Carpets of Aladdin
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: ...Again, it says it's accessible. Yay technology?
General Warnings: You'll be spit on by a camel.
Ride Description: It goes up and down and all around in a family-friendly fashion!
Fast-Pass: NO

Jungle Cruise
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible! Woot!
General Warnings: Puns. Lots and lots of puns.
Ride Description: A boat ride through the jungles and rivers of the world. With puns.
Fast-Pass: YES


Pirates of the Caribbean
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: A little drop, water, darkness, canons, fire.
Ride Description: A boat ride through what is now the movie franchise of Pirates of the Caribbean.
Fast-Pass: NO


Splash Mountain
Height Restrictions: 40"/3 ft 4 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Water, darkness, and there are a few drops.
Ride Description: A water ride that plunges you all the way down into a briar patch.
Fast-Pass: YES


Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
Height Restrictions: 40"/3 ft 4 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It goes up...and then it goes DOWN! Oh, and don't stick your hands up. Just don't.
Ride Description: It's a bloody roller coaster. What more do you want?
Fast-Pass: YES


Liberty Square Riverboat
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible
General Warnings: Seasickness alert!
Ride Description: It's a riverboat ride around Tom Sawyer Island.
Fast-Pass: NO


The Haunted Mansion
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Ghosts, ghouls, goblins, darkness.
Ride Description: It's a slow moving Doom Buggy ride through a haunted house.
Fast-Pass: NO


"it's a small world"
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Bad grammar, insanely creepy children singing the ultimate Ear Worm.
Ride Description: Boat ride! With children singing! And many languages!
Fast-Pass: NO


Peter Pan's Flight
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It's a scary pirate! And I'm flying!
Ride Description: A boat ride in the air.
Fast-Pass: YES


Dumbo the Flying Elephant
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Long, long wait for a two-minute ride.
Ride Description: Fly with Dumbo! Up and down and up and down and boom! You're done.
Fast-Pass: NO


Prince Charming Regal Carrousel
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It spins like a boss.
Ride Description: It's a merry-go-round...prancing horses and all that.
Fast-Pass: NO


Snow White's Scary Adventures
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It's got the word "scary" in the name for a good reason.
Ride Description: A classic dark ride through the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
Fast-Pass: NO


The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Jerky, don't go on this ride while on drugs.
Ride Description: A more fun dark ride through the adventures of Pooh Bear!
Fast-Pass: YES


Mad Tea Party
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Transfer
General Warnings: Spinning! Lots of spinning! Weeee!!!
Ride Description: It spins around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around....
Fast-Pass: NO


Tomorrowland Indy Speedway
Height Restrictions: 32"/2 ft 8 in to ride with a grown-up, 54"/4 ft 6 in to ride alone.
Wheelchairs: Must transfer.
General Warnings: Insanely long wait. If you're over the age of 6 you will die from boredom on this ride.
Ride Description: A slow "car race" around a "track."
Fast-Pass: NO


Space Mountain
Height Restrictions: 44"/3 ft 6 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Darkness, loud noises, don't raise your hands if you value them.
Ride Description: Space Mountain...it's a mountain in spaaaaaaace!!! (And also a roller coaster)
Fast-Pass: YES


Tomorrowland Transmit Authority ("PeopleMover")
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: You have to walk, assisted or not, to the ride. So, no. No wheelchairs.
General Warnings: It's kind of high up...
Ride Description: A slow tram ride that shows you all of the things that Tomorrowland has to offer.
Fast-Pass: NO


Astro Orbiter
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It's really high up. And there's always a long wait for it.
Ride Description: It's like Dumbo...just high up.
Fast-Pass: NO


Carousel of Progress
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible
General Warnings: Not very exciting unless you're a history nerd.
Ride Description: A slow, air-conditioned journey through time and invention.
Fast-Pass: NO


Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Transfer like a baus.
General Warnings: Your arms will hate you after this ride.
Ride Description: It's a game and a ride in one!
Fast-Pass: YES


Wow. So many rides... X.x And that's JUST rides.
You see why I said you can't do Magic Kingdom in one day? That was 20 rides. TWENTY.

I'm gonna go get something to eat...

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

Disney Parks Ride Guide - Animal Kingdom

A roaring lion...the distant sound of drums...and the sweet, sweet screaming from the top of a mountain.
You just entered...Disney's Animal Kingdom.
Just like Hollywood Studios and EPCOT before it, I shall now show you what rides you can enjoy (or, in the case of my good friend Sprinkles, scream in terror at) at Animal Kingdom.

RIDES

Kilimanjaro Safaris
Height Restrictions: No
Wheelchairs: Accessible
General Warnings: Quite bumpy at times. Beware the hungry crocodiles.
Ride Description: A safari through the African savannah, with lions and giraffes and an ostrich, oh my!
Fast-Pass: YES

Kali River Rapids
Height Restrictions: 38"/3 ft 2 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer.
General Warnings: You will get wet. There's a drop. Children will hate you for making them ride this.
Ride Description: It's a river raft ride through the jungles of Asia. Prepare to get soaked.
Fast-Pass: YES


Expedition: Everest (Legend of the Forbidden Mountain)
Height Restrictions: 44"/ 3 ft 8 in
Wheelchairs: Must. Transfer. Seriously...
General Warnings: Drops and darkness and...a yeti!
Ride Description: It's a roller coaster! Weeeee!!!
Fast-Pass: YES


DINOSAUR
Height Restrictions: 40"/3 ft 4 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer, mmkay?
General Warnings: LOUD. Darkness, scary dinosaurs - one of which tries to eat you. And you all will die.
Ride Description: A super loud, fast journey back in time to the age of the dinosaurs - right before the meteor hits.
Fast-Pass: YES


TriceraTop Spin
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Apparently, accessible. But I just can't see a wheelchair getting in to the dinosaurs...
General Warnings: It goes up and down!
Ride Description: Like the Dumbo ride, but it's dinosaurs. Seriously.
Fast-Pass: NO


Primeval Whirl
Height Restrictions: 48"/4 ft 0 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Drops and lifts, sudden turns...and dinosaurs.
Ride Description: It's a wild maus coaster - so don't worry. You won't actually fly off the track. Maybe.
Fast-Pass: There used to be, but they're currently on hiatus. (I wouldn't use one for this ride anyway)

And that's Animal Kingdom! Grand total: 6 rides. I also encourage seeing shows like Finding Nemo and Festival of the Lion King.

Next stop: THE MAGIC KINGDOM! Hurray!

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

Disney Parks - Top Tips for a Treasured Trip

One of the things I noticed in my time working for Disney is that people don't plan their days very well. Every day when I had to close a character line, I would always, always get people who would beg and plead me to let them see the character. The same thing happened in Attractions - after the last show of the day, I would always get people asking when the next show was/why there wasn't another show. Heat sickness, ride restrictions, and other "inconveniences" can make your day a real mess.
To help you folks out...here are my tips.

1. Get a map and a times guide.
Maps and times guides are always up at the front of the park when you first enter. You can also find them in various shops and with Cast Members throughout the park. Why do you need these things? Well, a map obviously shows you where things are and how you can get there. Read it very carefully - don't make the mistake of wandering into an area that doesn't go where you want. With maps, you can save a lot of time and energy by not wandering around aimlessly. It shows you where rides are, where you can eat, any parade routes, and where characters will show up.
Ok, fine. What's a times guide?
A times guide is the entertainment schedule. It gives you character times, parade times, fireworks times, show times, park hours, and any special attraction times. (Example: In Epcot, all of Future World opens at 9 am. The World Showcase does not open until 11 am. This is listed on the times guide) This is your BEST FRIEND in planning when you need to be somewhere. Don't go anywhere in the park without these two things.

2. Prepare for the weather.
Let me make this clear: You are going to be in Florida. In the summer, the average temperature is between 90F - 100F, but it can easily get hotter. Every day, there are countless cases of heat sickness.
Don't be a statistic.
Drink lots of water - there are water fountains everywhere, and you can easily carry a water bottle with you. Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen - especially in Animal Kingdom, where most of the park is outdoors AND you have Kali River Rapids, the water raft ride of doom. Find air conditioned restaurants and attractions so you can cool down. (I'll make a list for the next post) Every park has a few of them.
And please, don't ask Cast Members to control the weather. It makes us very unhappy with you and we'll say unkind things behind your back.

3. Prioritize and Plan
Let me make this as clear as I possibly can: You cannot do the entire Magic Kingdom in one day.
You. Can't.
Animal Kingdom? Sure, if you don't go to Rafiki's Planet Watch. Disney's Hollywood Studios? Probably. Magic Kingdom? No, especially if you have kids.
Figure out a top 5-10 things the whole family wants to do at each park, and make those the priority. Consult maps and times guides to ensure you hit everything. You can use other park activities to fill in the time between, such as while you're waiting for a show or a dining reservation. Plan ahead, so that you can be where you need to be on time.
And please...

4. Don't forget about your children.
This sounds like an easy thing to do...but time and again, I see it. Parents become so overwhelmed by the "magic" that they forget about doing things for their kids, and end up forcing kids to do rides and shows that they aren't interested in. I know you're there to have a good time too, but remember: Younger kids can get scared easily, and they also aren't tall enough for all of the rides and attractions Disney offers. Make time to do the things that they want to do!
Also, the more literal version: Forgetting young ones in the strollers. For the love of Yensid, MAKE SURE YOU TAKE YOUR KIDS OUT OF THE STROLLER. Yes, I saw people forget their kids in the stroller. It's not pretty or fun. So, again, take your kids out of the stroller, no matter how big of a hurry you're in.

5. Check Ahead.
There are 3 versions of this. Check ahead for the weather forecast, check ahead for any refurbishments, and check ahead for any attraction restrictions or warnings. Obviously, the weather will tell you if it's going to be blazing hot or pouring rain. (Though, always expect some rain in the afternoon/evening...it just seems to happen). Usually, at least one or two attractions is going under refurbishment, as well as restaurants or even whole areas of the park. If you have one particular ride or attraction you want to experience, make sure it'll actually be open during your stay. Finally, check the restrictions for the attractions. The most obvious one is the height restriction. These are not in place for your inconvenience - these are in place for safety. You and your children must abide by them. Also, if you have health conditions or phobias, such as a heart condition or a fear of the dark, you may want to avoid attractions like The Tower of Terror or Stitch's Great Escape. No sense suffering the remainder of the trip for a few minutes of fun.

6. Take breaks.
What, at Disney?!
Yes, especially during the summer. You must take breaks every so often to avoid overheating/getting sick. Go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, sit down for a bite to eat, browse in a store, take a drawing class if you're at Hollywood Studios. Do NOT push yourself if you start to feel bad. Heatstroke doesn't make for a very good vacation.
Even in the winter, though, take breaks. Your body can only handle so much, after all. You could end up with a nasty head cold (or worse) if you don't chill.

7. Don't Ignore Warnings or Argue with Cast Members
As I stated with the height restrictions, warnings are there for safety. If you are being directed a certain direction or being told not to do something by a Cast Member, it's generally for your safety and/or convenience. If you're polite about it, a lot of Cast Members will go out of their way to make up for an inconvenience. But if your kid is too short, don't try to force them on the ride. If there's a rope, chain, or fence blocking your way, don't go around it or under it. If you're told not to take flash pictures, don't take flash pictures. If there's a Cast Member standing and telling you to go another way, listen to them...unless you want to get burned, bitten, or kicked out of the park. Again, it's for your safety and convenience. Don't argue.

8. Use Fast-passes wisely.
Disney's Fast-pass system allows Guests to come back at a later time for a (hopefully) shorter wait time. Not every ride has them, but generally the most popular rides always do. You can only hold ONE (count it with me, ONE) ride Fast-pass at a time. Usually, shows will not have Fast-passes unless the park is very busy, but if they do, you can have ONE show Fast-pass and ONE ride Fast-pass at once. You can use the Fast-pass anytime AFTER the starting time, just not before. (As in, you no longer have to have it exactly within that time window.) The Fast-passes are free, but they have a limited amount to distribute per day, so if you want a popular ride like Space Mountain or Toy Story Midway Mania, go ahead and get those first thing, then come back later.

9. Bring the essentials
If you can, try to avoid bags. This will speed things up a great deal when getting into the park. (There are bag checks at the entrance, as well as a No Bag entrance. Take a guess as to which is quicker) Only bring the things you'll absolutely need - keys, money, ID, cell phone, camera, water bottles. (Clip-on water bottles = awesome) I would also bring a plastic baggie for your electronics if you plan to go on any watery attractions.

10. Dress Appropriately.
If you're planning on riding Test Track, Rock-N-Roller-Coaster, etc....don't wear a skirt. If you're planning on going on Kali River Rapids, I would suggest clothes and shoes that dry easily. Lighter colors reflect sunlight, so you'll be much cooler in light blue than black or brown. Also, for the kids' sakes...don't wear a pink bra or thong under white clothing.

11. Don't Be Ugly.
This means: Flush the toilet. Avoid profanity. Wipe the toilet seat. Let other people (including children) finish their sentences. Only smoke in designated areas. Throw your trash in the trash can. Be polite to Cast Members and other Guests. In general? Be a decent person, please. It's much appreciated.

12. Don't Try to Ruin the Magic.
Say the following phrases with me, folks:
There is only one Mickey Mouse. The characters are real - they are not wearing costumes. They don't have air conditioners in their heads. The characters are real and alive. That's really Donald Duck. That's really Pluto. That's really Buzz Lightyear. They are NOT going for a potty break.
Sorry if I got a little bit ranty, but seriously. Whether or not you believe in Disney magic, there are children around you who do. That's why the lines to see the characters are always long - because children believe in them and want to meet them. Don't ruin the magic for them. Seriously.


Those are my general tips for now. If I think of any more, I shall create a new list. Also, feel free to make suggestions based on your own experiences. I'd love to hear more tips.

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.