Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Life of a Character Attendant

*~*WARNING: If you don't want any of the magic ruined for you, LEAVE NOW. This article contains major Magic Destruction*~*

As I've mentioned before, one of my jobs at Walt Disney World was that of a Character Attendant.

One of these guys.

But never gone into much detail about what that job actually is. I personally thought it was self-explanatory - I attended to the Characters. But my good friend Sprinkles pointed out "I don't know how this shit works."
I guess I need to explain exactly what I did.
Well, Sprinkles, this is what a Character Attendant does.

8. Information Central


Much like the other Cast Members, you are expected to be a walking encyclopedia of knowledge about the Parks and Disney in general. You have to be able to tell someone where something is, when something is, what it is and why it is. Not only that, you're expected to always carry copies of maps and times guides, just in case you run into that Guest who hasn't read one of my previous posts. That's why it's good to experience attractions and restaurants yourself during your off days - that way, you'll know that while The Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor is an awesome, family-friendly, air-conditioned show, Stitch's Great Escape is a cage of horrors that you can't escape until Disney says so. It's also handy for you to know other Character times and locations - that can distract Guests when you have to take your own Character away.

7. Getting the Line to Move


You've all been there. You've wanted to see Mickey Mouse, but the line was out the door and into the harbor. Buzz Lightyear, Woody and Jessie, Stitch, the Princesses - they've all got long lines. And as the Character Attendant, it's my job to help that line move as fast as possible. That's why we're always walking the length of the line (if we can) and telling people to have all cameras turned on (and on the correct settings), to have all autograph books and pens open and set, and if they have a Photopass card, have it ready to hand off. We understand that it can get a little repetitive, especially if you have one of those kids that wants to meet every single character, but that's only to help everyone see the characters as quickly as possible. We also sometimes have to literally encourage the line to move up, especially if there are shady spots in a queue that is typically very sunny. That not only keeps the line moving, but it helps us as well - we can estimate wait times better.

6. Time Management


This is perhaps the biggest task of all Character Attendants. All Characters have to be on and off at certain times for their health and sanity. Your job is to keep an eye on the time and make sure that those times are met. This is also the other reason why you're telling everyone in the queue to have everything ready to go by the time they get up to the Characters. Remember: If the character has to be gone by 6 p.m., it's your bloody job to make sure that they are gone by 6 p.m., no matter how many people you have waiting. This is also why you should communicate often with your Character - they can speed up or slow down depending on your needs. You just need to let them know what you need them to do.

5. Directing and Taking Pictures


If you're not good at taking pictures, you'll get good really fast. Typically, the Photopass Photographer will take pictures, but there are a few Characters out there that do not have one. There are also times when a family or group will have a lot of cameras. Thus, you're going to help taking the pictures. Feel free to suggest poses, and keep an eye out for anything that you can't take a picture of. Example: If someone's wearing an explicit shirt, have them cross their arms or stand sideways. If it's a girl in a bikini top, for the love of God, have her facing the camera. You also get to make strange noises in hopes that the three-month-old who has no idea what's going on will look at the camera.

4. Pin Trading


This is how I first tasted the crack. For those who Pin Trade, you know exactly what I'm taking about. For those who don't, Pin Trading is exactly what it sounds like. You trade pins that have different Disney characters, movie images, etc. There are several sets of pins you can buy...but then there are the Collector's Pins which you cannot. You can only get them by trading with a Cast Member. (i.e. My personal collection of Figment pins. YOU CAN'T BUY THOSE)
Ahem.
All Character Attendants are issued a lanyard. While you're walking your line, you will always have some kid (or adult) go "Hey! Can I see your pins?" Why yes, little child, you can. And as a Cast Member, you have to trade with them - unless they try to give you a pin you already have.

3. Story Telling


"Buzz Lightyear's going to check in with Star Command! But don't worry - he'll be right back! Just stay in line."
"Mickey's going for a quick bite of cheesecake. He'll be right back, though. Don't you worry!"
"Stitch is heading back to Hawaii. He has a big luau to get ready for!"
And no, they are NOT going for a potty break.
As I said, Characters have to be on and off at certain times. This doesn't just mean they have to be on at 11 am and off at 7 pm. (Dear lord, I Attended Buzz Lightyear way too much...)
During the winter months, there are two people playing a Character. One goes out for 30 minutes, and then they switch. The switch generally only takes a minute, but it makes Guests panic. That's why, about five minutes ahead of time, an Attendant walks the line and tells the Guests a reason why the Character is leaving. And when it is time to go, reassure the next family that the Character will in fact be coming right back - it will only be a few minutes. Be prepared to dodge a few punches when you do this.
The other time you get to tell stories is when you close the line. Definitely have some bloody good stories for this - this is REALLY when Guests get angry. That's why you always have a Captain and/or a Manager helping you....some people just don't want to hear that they can't see Winnie the Pooh today.

2. The Gritty Backstage Stuff


Ok, here's the secret: Character costumes can be notoriously difficult to put on. Most of them at least require a second set of hands to zip it, but others require tucking, clipping, or other forms of adjustment. Guess who helps them put it on?
Yep, that would be you. And it doesn't matter how sweaty or gross the costume becomes as the poor soul stands in the sun and signs books. You still have to help them. How gross does it get?
The worst one for me was Tigger, even though I did it hundreds of times. There's an orange and white flap that hangs from his head, and it requires being tucked into the main body of the costume so it doesn't hike up or pop out during the set. How does one perform the Tigger Tuck? You reach up underneath the person's arms and pull down. As in, your arms meet up with their armpits. Think about it.
You're welcome.

1. Attend to the Characters...Or ELSE.


I'm not being funny here. This is your number one, super most important task. You must attend to and take care of your Characters. Keep at least one eye on them the whole time. If there is a costume malfunction, you have to get it fixed. If a Character gets sick or injured, you have to get them off set and find them some help. You have to communicate back and forth - let them know how much time is left in their set, tell them if there's a little kid somewhere they can't see (like right in front of them). Direct them to which camera is taking the picture. Let them know if something spills or it starts raining or thundering. Believe me, they appreciate it when you actually take care of them.

And that's what we do as Character Attendants. Glamorous work, no?

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

And Now For Something Completely Different

I'm sure you noticed I've been...not posting...for a few days.
That's because I, Agent R, have begun preparing myself for NaNoWriMo.

Yes, lord love you! I am a NaNo!

Wait...you don't know what a NaNo is?

Sigh.

NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month. Every year during the month of November, several thousand people from all over the world attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. I've tried for the past two years and failed miserably. This year? I'm determined to finish. I have an army of butt kickers and a mountain of research materials.

Having said that, I have doubts that I'll be posting as frequently during November...if I do, they're all going to say something about my novel, and of course you're not interested in that (unless it gets published, which is my goal!)

So, we'll see how things go.

In the mean time, enjoy this video. Don't watch it at work or with your jealous life partner.


AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

13 Pieces of Disney Nightmare Fuel, Part 5

You know what, you're all adults. You know how to find the rest of the list.
With that said...here is the number one film.

1. Pinocchio (1940)
Yep, Pinocchio. Oh yes.
If you can't remember, Pinocchio had a grand total of 5 villains/antagonists. I'll use each of them to carry us through the nightmare fueled journey.

First up, we have Honest John and Gideon.



These two find Pinocchio on his way to school and convince him to follow them. They enthrall him (well, John does) with tales of being an actor and lure him away. Obviously, they have no intent to keep him. They sell him to Stromboli, the extremely greedy puppet master.


He forces Pinocchio to put on shows, threatening to make him firewood if he doesn't comply and locking him in a cage when he isn't performing. Thankfully, with the help of the Blue Fairy, Pinocchio escapes.
Back to our first two. They're out celebrating their cash haul when they run into villain #4, The Coachman.


He hires them to kidnap "stupid little boys" and bring them to Pleasure Island for him. Ignoring the pedophilic implications, they agree, because money makes everything ok. And because the Coachman makes this face:


Now, what happens to the boys on Pleasure Island? Well, they run amok: They can smoke, drink, gamble, and break shit without any adult supervision whatsoever. They essentially act like jackasses...

Oh, shit...



They get turned into literal jackasses.


But Pinocchio escapes one again, and returns home, only to find his father gone. The Blue Fairy informs him that his father has been swallowed...


...by this guy.

Meet villain #5: Monstro the muthafucking...whale? What kind of whale is THAT?!


Yeah. This guy swallowed Pinocchio's dad. And Pinocchio too, shortly after. This is the stuff of nightmares, man...Pinocchio couldn't even say Monstro's name without the other sea critters scattering to the sea breeze.


Yeah.

And there you have it. I'm going to bed.

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

13 Pieces of Disney Nightmare Fuel, Part 4

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Now it's time for Part 4, with movies 4 - 2.

4. The Princess and the Frog (2009)
As this one takes place in a world where voodoo is practiced, you should have known it would be high on the list. The titular frog prince, Naveen, ends up that way because he made a foolish deal with "the Shadow Man," aka. Dr. Facilier.


Word of advice: NEVER trust a Shadow Man, or he'll take your blood and turn you into a critter (and your previous manservant into you while he's at it). Also, don't even imply that he may be a fraud. He doesn't like that.
And, he's called the Shadow Man because his shadow is literally a separate entity. It can grab and manipulate things around it independently from Dr. Facilier.

Naveen, being more awesome than he lets on, managed to escape (and drag Tiana into the mess). This is when we discover the true horror of the story...


Yeah. It seems our friend Facilier is kind of in debt to his "friends" from the other side. And they are growing impatient for him to repay his debt. Nevertheless, they allow him some shadow demons to help him find Naveen.


God, the picture doesn't do it justice...

Anyway, through mishaps and shenanigans, Tiana winds up with the amulet the friends gave Facilier for the transformations. He tempts her with her dreams and visions of her father, if only she would give him the amulet.


But, she does the right thing. She smashes the amulet.

Now, I have one question for you.

ARE. YOU. READY?!?!



3. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Meet Judge Claude Frollo.


The very first thing we learn about him: He hates Gypsies, and he's going out of his way to persecute them. He feels no remorse for killing a mother with a child in her arms in front of his own church, and then goes to kill the baby, who you can probably guess is Quasimodo, the titular hunchback. He's saved only when the Archdeacon steps in and says he has sinned and must atone by caring for the child. His raising of the child is very similar to the one we saw of Rapunzel - completely hidden from the outside world and mentally abused by their captors. However, in this instance, Frollo tells Quasimodo that he is a hideous monster and that he must always hide himself. And when Quasimodo sneaks out of his tower...the results aren't nearly as good.


Yeah...he's tied to the wheel and pelted with rotten food. He's treated like an animal...and when he pleads for help, he's met with cruel laughter and glares. The only one to take mercy on him is Esmerelda, a Gypsy woman who openly defies Frollow and frees Quasimodo. He tries to arrest her, which goes over just about as well as you'd think. She flees and makes it into the cathedral, where she claims sanctuary. She can't be arrested...but Frollo makes it pretty clear that she's his. (Skip to 2:00)


Yeah...ignore the pretty boy. He annoys me.

Anyway, lustful!Frollo now in the mix, he sings the most melodramatic villain song ever: Hellfire.


Yes...he's praying to bed Esmerelda...or send her to Hell. The demonic imagery is pretty spectacular, no?

Surprise, surprise, Esmerelda rejects his advances, and Frollo sentences her to death by burning at the stake.


Quasimodo rescues her from the flames and brings her into the cathedral. Frollo, no longer caring about the laws of the church, goes after her, chasing them all the way to the top of the cathedral. Quasimodo is knocked off the side, and as Esmerelda hangs on for dear life, Frollo comes in for the kill.


"And He shall smite the wicked and plunge them into a fiery pit!"
Gotta love irony.

2. Fantasia (1940)
Oooohhhh lord....Fantasia. Ok.
If you don't know what you're getting into with Fantasia, you'll already be experiencing the biggest mindfuck of your life. However, even if you do have an idea, there are still two sections of Fantasia that are pure, unadulterated nightmare fuel: "The Rite of Spring" and "Night on Bald Mountain."



"The Rite of Spring" is about the creation of the world as described by the scientific world. That is, thousands of years and lava and extinction and the earthquake that split apart the continents. Oh, and you get to watch the dinosaurs all slowly dying of starvation.


I honestly don't know what the scariest part of the Rite of Spring was. The part I can find pictures of is the fight between the Tyrannosaurus Rex and the Stegosaurus, so I'm gonna go with that.



And now, we go to my big man: Chernabog, the star of Night on Bald Mountain.


Originally meant to be Satan himself (Walt said it, not me), Chernabog ("black god") amuses himself nightly be resurrecting the spirits of criminals and his horde of demons, engaging in a fiery orgy of frenzied dancing.




I honestly could not watch this part of Fantasia after seeing it the first time. I started shaking and crying. (Now, of course, it's my favorite part. Go figure)

And there you have it! Only ONE MOVIE TO GO! What could be number 1? Stay tuned!

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

13 Pieces of Disney Nightmare Fuel, Part 3

You've read Part 1 and Part 2. Here's Part 3 with movies 7 - 5.


7. The Black Cauldron (1985)
This is another one that did poorly at the box office, most likely because people have aneurysms when movies are loosely based on books. But that's another article.


In this story, we follow young assistant pig-keeper Taran and his psychic pig Hen Wen. Hen Wen is sought after by the Horned King to help him find the titular cauldron, because apparently if you're evil the cauldron will do something awesome for you, like give you a makeover.




This, my dears, is the Horned King. He wants power. He wants to rule the world. He wants to be God. He wants to kill you.


He says it himself: "How long I have thirsted to be a god among mortal men." And god forbid you bring him bad news - he will either strangle you or sacrifice you to the cauldron.




Oh, yeah. The cauldron requires sacrifice to operate. Creeper, the Horned King's (very annoying) assistant, almost becomes that sacrifice when he reports bad news. In fact, once the Horned King gets the cauldron working, he abandons all of his living assistants in favor of his "cauldron-born."




His army of the undead, that is.


And in case you needed any more convincing...here's a close-up of the guy.




Have fun sleeping tonight.


6. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937)
This is where it all started. The first ever feature length animated film...and boy, did it leave a lasting effect on us. We start by learning that Snow White is basically being held captive by the Queen, for some reason, and made to be a servant. A Prince happens to overhear her singing, and because he's a prince, decides to sing back and make her fall in love with him. Because that's how these things work.




All the while, the Queen is watching...and she's not happy. After her Magic Mirror declares that Snow White is now the fairest in the land - and not her - she decides to have Snow killed. Not banished. Killed.






She even orders her Huntsman to bring back her heart as proof. The Huntsman almost does...but then chickens out and tells Snow to run for it. One problem with this idea:




Monsters, monsters, everywhere. Alligator logs, demon trees...and the EYES. THE FUCKING EYES.


She eventually makes it out and finds the cottage of the dwarves. After an initial misunderstanding, she's welcomed into their home and all is peaceful for about a day.
Then, Scumbag Magic Mirror has to go and tell the Queen that her loyal Huntsman had given her the heart of a pig. Enraged, the Queen who wants to be the fairest of all decides that the only course of action...is to make herself ugly in the most painful way possible.








Seems legit.


In her uber-ugly disguise, she gives Snow White a poisoned apple, which for some reason immediately puts her in a coma. The animals who have been guarding Snow White get the dwarves, who come back and chase Old Ugly up a mountain....




Bah, you know the rest.


5. Tangled (2010)
Tangled isn't as in your face about its horror factor initially. In fact, compared to some of the other movies on here, this one may seem pretty tame. At first. Then you take a closer look at yet another main villain, Mother Gothel.



We know from the get-go that Gothel isn't Rapunzel's real mother. Gothel kidnapped Rapunzel as a baby and raised her as her own. Rapunzel, as of this movie, is 18 years old. Her real parents have been searching for her for 18 years. Let that sink in for a moment.

But we also know why: Mother Gothel wants Rapunzel's healing hair, which can't be cut or it loses its power. If the girl is so important to her, obviously she's going to treat Rapunzel well, right?

Wrong.



The abuse that she puts Rapunzel through is utterly horrific. She constantly puts Rapunzel down while pulling herself up. ("Look in that mirror. Do you know what I see? I see a strong, confident, beautiful young lady...oh look! You're here too!") It's about as frightening as anything I've seen.


Later, as the film progresses, Mother Gothel slowly starts to show her true colors as a villainess. First, with her manipulation of the Stabbington Brothers...


...followed up by her dark reprise of Mother Knows Best.


Rapunzel eventually makes it to the festival, only to have shit go down. She returns to her tower with Mother Gothel, thoroughly grieving the loss of her friendship with Flynn. She looks up, sees the art she's painted over the years, and figures out that she's the lost princess. She then stands up to Mother Gothel, telling her under no circumstances would she ever let her use her hair again.

And then shit gets real...


"You want me to be the bad guy? Fine...now I'm the bad guy..."

She chains and gags Rapunzel, and when Flynn comes to the rescue, she stabs him.




She then tries to drag Rapunzel off, only for her to fight her. Rapunzel only agrees to stop fighting her if Gothel will allow Rapunzel to heal Flynn. Gothel agrees to this. Flynn pleads with Rapunzel not to, but she won't listen to him, so...


He slices her hair off, which revokes the hair's healing gift for Mother Gothel, and she rapidly starts aging.


Think Dorian Gray...


...just a million times worse.


And there's part 3! Part 4 shall have 4 - 2! What will be number 1? Stay tuned!

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.