Ohana Means Family

For those who have been living under a rock for the last decade (ish), I bring your attention to the 42nd installment in the Disney Animated Canon, Lilo and Stitch.

Long story short: Stitch is the result of alien genetic experimentation. He escapes captivity and ends up in Hawaii, where he's adopted by Lilo and her older sister, Nani. (Honestly, though...the main focus of the movie is Stitch. I don't even know why Lilo is in the title.)

Anyway, Lilo and Nani are recent orphans, and Nani has suddenly been forced into being a parent for Lilo. This goes over about as well as expected, as she ends up wanting to strangle her a lot of the time. But Lilo always gets Nani back by saying their late mother's expression: "Ohana. Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind...or forgotten."

This is the underlying theme of the entire movie, and yes, eventually, Stitch learns it too:

Ok, that's all well and fine. What does this have to do with anything?

Well, my dears, I've recently been going and exploring the Disney world. Looking at jobs, talking to other CPs, watching videos. And you know what? The other CPs? They are my ohana. Every Cast Member, whether I knew them or not, is my ohana. And I miss my ohana...so, so much. Just watching Wishes (or even better, Hallowishes) on YouTube is enough to make me cry. I look at the maps of the parks, longing to go back. I watch people planning trips and swapping swifts, wanting to be a part of it all.

So, in short...

Disney is my ohana now.
Ohana means family.
Family means nobody gets left behind...or forgotten.

I'm coming back, Disney...just wait for me.

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

Revisiting the Canon

Both to prepare myself for my inevitable return to Disney and to soothe the hole in my heart, I have been rewatching all of the Disney and Pixar films that I own, from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves to Tangled. Sadly, some of my films seem to have gone missing...I am no longer in possession of several of them. But I have enough to keep me going for now. And I got to relive some of my all time favorite moments!

Mulan
TAKE IT, CRI-KEE! Seriously, how can you not love the manliest film ever made?

Fantasia
Aka. Disney on Acid. It really shows the skill of the animators and musicians...and is just breathtaking.

Lady and the Tramp
Peg. Just...Peg.

Oliver and Company
Why should I worry? SING IT, DODGER!

However, several of my favorite films from my childhood are...well...not my favorites anymore. More than once while I was watching the Canon, I felt myself thinking "Did I really like this?" Films in question:

Bambi
Besides the whole "shooting the mom" thing, which was bad...I honestly didn't care for Bambi this time around. The only thing that caught my attention was the whole "attempted rape" subtext of the Bambi/Ronno fighting over Faline scene. Seriously, what else do you think Ronno had in mind?

Peter Pan
I was extremely uninterested. I found all of the protagonists extremely annoying (especially Peter and Wendy) and didn't care about what happened to them. Mermaids? Bitchy. The Lost Boys? Spoiled brats. Tinker Bell? EXTREMELY bitchy.


101 Dalmatians
I never thought I'd see the day when I talked down about a dog movie. But here it is. And honestly, the only part of that whole movie that people really remember is Cruella DeVil. Truth be told, she's a great villain. But the movie was just...plain. Nothing special here.


The Jungle Book
Again, plain. Uninteresting. Mowgli needs a good spanking.


The Little Mermaid (but really, who is surprised by this one?)
I think I made my opinions about this movie clear, but just in case you forgot: I hate it. Ariel is 16 years old. She sells her soul and mutilates her body for a CHANCE with a man she saw. Problem?


Obviously, I'm not done with the Canon yet. There are some films I haven't seen in ages, and there are some films I haven't seen at all. But, it shall be done! Hurray!

Brazilian Horror

The views reflected herein do not represent the views of the parent company, Walt Disney World® Parks and Resorts. But sure reflects the views of a lot of Cast Members in the parks.
This is why most of us cringe openly whenever we hear the word "Brazilian." *shudders*

Many times a year - mostly in the summer - the Parks are overtaken by tour groups from Brazil. (Ok, a few other countries too...but mostly Brazil.) Normally, I don't mind working with families from Brazil - the families are generally polite when asking for help or directions. (Unless you're closing the line for your character - then they just scream at you in Portuguese)
The tour groups are not.

My first run in with them was in my first days as a Character Attendant. I was working with Winnie the Pooh and Tigger. In their old Magic Kingdom haunt, it was a bit of a walk from their offstage area to the actual area. As you can imagine, the walk can get quite hazardous, especially since parents think shoving their kids into their path is a good idea.

Enter the Brazilians.

This day, we had heard rumors that Brazilians were in the park. It was only my third day, so I didn't know. I figured it couldn't be that bad. Then, when I was escorting Pooh Bear out to his spot, we got surrounded by Brazilian girls who wanted a hug from Pooh.
Surrounded.
Luckily, they weren't four years old, and they moved when Pooh Bear and I were about to run them over. It still left me shaking.
As a Guest in the parks, I continued to see behavior that wasn't nice from them. They would swarm food carts all speaking at once. They would argue about seating arrangements on rides. They would sing extremely loudly and off-key while waiting in queues, to the aggravation of all.

It got worse, though, when I began working at Voyage of the Little Mermaid. For safety reasons, flash pictures are not allowed during the show. It blinds the characters, and we don't want them to get hurt. Not to mention it disrupts the show for your fellow audience members. We stated as much prior to the show - we have an English, Spanish, and Portuguese spiel that tells the audience that for the safety of our actors, they can't take flash pictures.
And what happens, every single show?
Flash pictures. Flash pictures upon flash pictures. It is ridiculous. They have no regard for others, only themselves. And you are allowed to take photos without the flash - so it's extremely selfish and reckless that they use the flash.

If you have any Brazilian horror stories, feel free to share them.

My Disney Bucket List

This is a meme I've noticed among other College Program participants. They list all the things that they want to do, either on their program, or at Disney in general. I figured, eh, why not.
So, here are all the things I want to do at Disney - not just during my program, but throughout my entire Disney career. Booyah!

1. Eat at every restaurant at least once.
Obviously, this isn't going to happen overnight. Between quick service, casual dining, and formal dining, Epcot alone has 28 restaurants. Magic Kingdom has 25, Hollywood Studios has 15, Animal Kingdom has 9. Thus, the four main parks alone have a grand total of 77 restaurants. This doesn't include any of the resorts or Downtown Disney or the water parks or anything else. But it shall happen! The menus look too good for me to resist.

2. Try Dole Whip.
Related to #1, a lot of people I've talked to go absolutely ape shit when I say that I've never had a Dole Whip. (Pineapple soft serve you can get at the Aloha Isle in Adventureland) They consider it betraying mankind to not have ever had Dole Whip. Dole Whip, Dole Whip, DOLE WHIP. Even the Judgmental Disney Nerd says it:

Thus, I shall have to try this miraculous Dole Whip.

3. Drink Around the World
At Epcot, there are 11 countries represented in the World Showcase - Mexico, Norway, China, Germany, Italy, the United States, Japan, Morocco, France, the United Kingdom, and Canada. In addition to having attractions that make you feel as if you are in other country, each pavilion offers its own unique alcoholic beverages. There is a challenge out there to drink one beverage from each country before moving on to the next pavilion. I would like to take on this challenge.

4. Meet Rapunzel
Of all the meet and greets I went to, Rapunzel was the one that I just didn't get to. It's a shame, really - she's one of my favorite princesses. I just never got around to saying hi to her. Thus, I'd like to meet her.

5. Complete the Ultimate Tours
The Ultimate Tours are special planned routes that get you to every attraction in a park in the same day. This includes rides, shows, parades, character greetings - you name it. These are intense challenges, but they look amazing. They would also get me into some shows I would otherwise avoid. It would be fun!

6. Learn to draw at least 10 Disney characters from the Animation Academy
As I've said before, I love the Magic of Disney Animation. It's one of my all time favorite things about the parks. I only ever attended the drawing class once though, when I learned to draw Ray the Firefly. I regret not going there more. So, when I go back, I plan on learning a lot more characters.

7. Buy a Figment t-shirt
There's one t-shirt in the gift shop for Journey Into Imagination With Figment. It was Figment purple, with a deliriously happy Figment on the front and the words "One Little Spark." (aka. The Figment song) I loved going in and looking at it, but I never bought it. Next time...it's mine.

8. Collect all of the Figment pins
Yes, I collect pins - specifically, Figment pins. I have one set of Figment pins already - the senses. I need to finish collecting the emotions - apparently, there are two sets of five. Do want.

9. See Fantasmic!, Wishes and Illuminations in one night.
Easier than you think. At certain times of year, Fantasmic! is at 6:30 pm. Illuminations: Reflections of Earth is consistently at 9:00 pm, year round. Wishes varies almost daily, so you have to look ahead for times and plan accordingly. But it's entirely possible.

10. The Four Mountains
Space, Thunder, Splash, and Everest - all in one day. Boom, boom, boom, done.

11. Four Parks, One Day.
I want to hit at least 2 rides in each park in one day. (Like, the Mountains for Magic Kingdom, the Tower and Rock-n-Roller Coaster at Studios, etc.) When I decide to do it for real, I'll post a more defined plan on here.

12. Work in all four parks
Thus far, I've had official jobs in two - Magic Kingdom and Hollywood Studios. I trained a bit in Epcot as a Character Attendant. But I would like to be able to pick up shifts in all four parks - that would be AWESOME. Working for the weekend!

13. Character Hunting
That is, meeting all of the characters in one park in one day, including photos and autographs. I'm not doing all four parks in one day for this - that's impossible, even for me. But in one park? Entirely possible. You just have to know where to be when and be willing to hunt around and ask questions.

14. Participate in Gay Days
Shocker! But yes, I would love to participate in Gay Days...I was sadly working during the last round.

15. Top scores on Toy Story Midway Mania and Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin
I was SO CLOSE last time I went on Buzz Lightyear. I was only a few points away! It makes me sad that I didn't make it...but I will! Just watch me!

16. College Program Attraction Tours
These are behind the scenes tours of various rides and shows that are exclusive to College Program participants. This is another thing that I passed up on - and I regret this immensely. I'd love to see behind the scenes of the Haunted Mansion or the Great Movie Ride. Please?

17. Visit DisneyQuest
This is an indoor, interactive theme park in Downtown Disney. I went there years and years ago, and I remember it being completely of the charts epic, other than the whole "paddling into lava" thing. I kept meaning to return during my months in Florida, but I never got around to it. I need to go back though...I need to redeem my title of Pinball Queen.

18. La Nouba
This is the Cirque du Soleil show that is exclusive to Downtown Disney. I've only seen pictures and video clips of it - never seen the real thing. Hell, I've never seen a Cirque du Soleil show anywhere. Thus, it must be seen.

19. The Water Parks
I have not once in my entire life been to either Blizzard Beach or Typhoon Lagoon. (I hear Blizzard is the better one, but I'll pass judgment on that myself) I would love to be able to go and slide down Summit Plummet like a giggling child.

20. Halloween at Magic Kingdom
I found some very good videos of the Halloween celebrations at Magic Kingdom. More specifically, Hallowishes, the Halloween fireworks. It not only confirmed my suspicions that "Heffalumps and Woozles" and "Pink Elephants on Parade" are two of the creepiest songs that have ever come out of Disney, but it also made me scream with delight. Grim grinning ghosts, come out to socialize!
Ahem.
I also want to meet the villains. Just saying...

21. Collect all of the Disney Fastpasses
As in, legit Fastpasses. Not the ones that say "Not a valid Fastpass." As in, the ones that actually have a time on them. As in, I will have to go into the parks and collect Fastpasses that I don't use. Yeah.

22. Club Cool
I want to try every soda offered in Club Cool at Epcot. Thus far, I've only had Japan (yummy) and Italy (YUCK). But I want to try the rest.

23. Visit every Disney Resort
From the All-Stars to the Grand Floridian, I want to visit all of them. I shall take a picture of the main entrance of each to prove that I was there.

24. Do a "bored face"/"silly face" photo on every photo-taking ride
Normal, screaming faces are boring. You've got to do something that makes the photo memorable. And I want to make special memories for a family. :P

25. Hidden Mickey Hunt
I want to go hunting for Hidden Mickeys (with the booklet in hand). Nuff said.

26. Spa Day at the Grand Floridian
After a hard day of work (that makes your back very stiff and your skin all red and sweaty), a spa day sounds reeeeeally good.

27. Visit Mickey's Retreat
Basically, it's a fun little area with pools and sports courts and other fun things. It's a place for Cast Members to go and relax and not worry about things. I want to visit it, especially since it's literally right next to Chatham Square, one of the apartment complexes for College Program people.

28. Get picked as an extra at the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular
Ok, yes...I have done this before. And you know what? IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

29. Be on a ride during the fireworks
By this, I mean like riding Thunder Mountain while the fireworks are going off. That way, I can see them while screaming like a wee bern.

30. Rent a boat and explore Seven Seas Lagoon
Just paddle around, looking at all the lesser beings in cars...fun times.

31. Backstage Tour
I know that Disney offers a lot of backstage tours, like the Behind the Magic tour at Magic Kingdom. I'd like to go on it and learn what the Guests see and hear when they take the tour. You never know - I could learn something amazing to impress all you underlings with!

32. The Kitchen Sink
Because this seems to be on everyone else's bucket list, I'll add it too. The Kitchen Sink is a dessert served at Disney's Beach Club Resort. As you can see, it's huge and has more sweet stuff than you should ever eat in a single life time. It's designed for a group of people - but there is a challenge out there to eat it solo. I shall do it!

33. Explore the Wide World of Sports
Another one of those "Never been there" stories. I really don't have any idea what it is or why it's there, but I know there's a lot of testosterone involved. Either way, I want to go and check it out. Maybe eat some chicken wings...like a MAN.

34. Ride something at least 10 times in the same day
The closest I've ever come to this was on the Tower of Terror - seven times. Expedition Everest and Rock-n-Roller Coaster are tied for second, with six times. It'll likely end up being Tower, but I've heard other suggestions include the Haunted Mansion, Dinosaur, Test Track, Soarin', Mission: SPACE, and Star Tours. (Actually, Star Tours sounds like the better option, because it changes so often...)

35. See all the variations on Star Tours
If you missed the memo, Star Tours has been updated. Now the ride can change - you could go to Hoth, or perhaps Naboo. Maybe you'll get a message from Yoda, or maybe Princess Leia. Either way, there are many, many combinations of things that could happen. And I want to experience ALL of them.

36. Go on a Disney Cruise
YOU KNOW IT WOULD BE AWESOME.

37. Visit Disneyland
This really shouldn't need to be explained...beyond me wanting to ride the Matterhorn.


If I come up with any more, I shall let you know. But I think this is a pretty good bucket list for right now.

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

Attractive Attractions

The other half of my time at Walt Disney World was spent in Attractions. I personally was assigned to two attractions that I do not care for, and my work was significantly less fun. I'm now planning on returning to work there with my good friend Sprinkles. I began to wonder...what if I got sent back to Attractions? Would I be able to survive?

Well, it turns out that there are 4 attractions that I would be quite happy to work at. There are 4 rides I would, in fact, be over the moon to work at. And here they are! Hurray!

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4. The Haunted Mansion

The creepy house that sits in Liberty Square, this would be a lovely place to work. It is yet another air-conditioned attraction, always a plus. But the real draw for me is the macabre nature of this attraction. I love horror and supernatural and all things spooktacular. Ergo, this place would be perfect for me. Plus, you're not allowed to smile. Yeah, it's the one place in Disney where you can't smile. Yes please?

3. Journey Into Imagination With Figment

As I've said before, this is my all time favorite ride at Disney. I would go on it once a week, if not more - and I'm still finding it as entertaining and refreshing as the first time I rode it. I haven't memorized the song yet...but I'm working on it.
Why would I want to work here? Well, for one thing, it's air conditioned. Yay for air conditioning! In the middle of summer, air conditioning is vital for your sanity and your well-being. Second, as I said, I love this ride to death. Figment is cooler than you and you know it. Third, the costume includes a LAB COAT. How many places that don't involve blood and guts let you wear a lab coat?! Fourth, and this is slightly selfish on my part...Figment closes at 7 pm, a full two hours before the rest of the park. I could be out and done before the fireworks, when the buses get clogged with people leaving the park.

2. The Great Movie Ride

The underdog of rides from Hollywood Studios, this is a beautiful, 30-ish minute guide through some of the Greatest Movies Ever. Beside also being air conditioned, this is about as close to an Entertainment role as you can get without actually being in Entertainment. (If you've ever been on this ride, you know exactly what I'm talking about) And as I like acting, this would be really nice.

1. Jungle Cruise

Possibly the only amusement park attraction to be discussed in a Weird Al song, the Jungle Cruise is the Hurricane of Puns that floats along in Adventureland. Yes, it's outdoors and hot out, but dear god, the script makes me crack up. You get to be a Large Ham every day, and you get paid for it. Plus, the outfits are freaking awesome. I could look like Cindiana Jones again, as Push once called me.
Agent Skipper R...I like it.
Here it is...THE BACKSIDE. OF. WATER.

Oh, come on. I had to stick it in there.
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Yay for Attractions! I hope I get one of these if I get sent back to that department!

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

4 Magical Memories

One of the things that Disney is known for is making magic for its Guests every single day. Whether it be a free cupcake for a special Princess or introducing a Make a Wish family to their child's favorite character, we're always supposed to be making magic.
However, there are times when it's the other way around. Even if they don't realize it, there are some Guests out there who have made our days much more magical. It's those magical Guests who inspire us to keep going, it's those Guests we talk about years later, after we've retired.
And it's these special Guests I'm going to be talking about today. This post is dedicated to those special Guests who made my day awesome, directly or indirectly.

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4. Hugs, Hugs, Hugs

Now, it probably goes without saying, but Character Attendants don't get a lot of hugs. The hugs are all for the Characters. But for some reason, on this way, that changed quite a bit.
One day, I was Attending for Buzz Lightyear in Tomorrowland. For whatever reason, kids tend to go the wrong way when they finish meeting him, and so I always have to get down on my knees and direct them out the exit. The little boy I was directing on this day heard me calling to him and saw me kneeling on the ground. Next thing I know, he walks over and gives me a big hug.
I almost cried. He was so sweet, then he let go and went with his parents.
Granted, this could have totally been a fluke. But for some reason, this happened twice more with two other kids - another little boy, and one little girl. Every time, I would get down on their level to direct them, and every time, I would get a big hug.

It was awesome.


3. Marriage Proposal

Also goes without saying: Marriage proposals happen a lot at Disney. Sadly, though, I only got to witness one during my time there. The proposal I got to witness was when I was Attending Mickey and Minnie during their brief stay in Tomorrowland. I was at the end of the queue, keeping an eye on things, when a man came over to talk to me. He whispered to me that when he and his girlfriend got up to the Mice, he was going to ask her to marry her - could I just let the photographer know so he could be ready? I nodded, and after he left, I spread the word to the other Attendants, the Photographer, the Characters, and our Captain. We were able to get them some Just Engaged buttons, and by the time they actually got up there, we were all so excited we almost exploded. We all watched him (very nervously) get down on one knee and pull out...bride and groom mouse ears. It took her a moment to figure out what was going on...

But then, she said yes.


2. Make-A-Wish

Make-A-Wish families come to Walt Disney World all of the time. They come and go so frequently that after a while, as sad as this is, they all blend together.
However, I remember very clearly my first one ever. I was Attending Chip and Dale, and things were Business As Usual. I then saw the Make a Wish family headed my way. I asked them if they wanted to see Chip and Dale, and they said yes. I then redirected Chip and Dale's attention to them. (Before you ask: Yes, all Make a Wish families get front of line priority...for reasons that should be obvious).
Chip and Dale were so sweet. The child in question could barely move, but they both came over and gave him as much love as they possibly could. They also gave big hugs to the parents and the sister, making things as magical as they could. Then, we all noticed something. The boy was making puckering motions with his lips. I didn't understand it, but then his mother started tearing up and said, "He's blowing them kisses." I almost lost it, but I managed to keep it together and take a bunch of pictures for them.

It was absolutely magical.


1. Name Tag Girl

This is my number one story I like telling people. I sadly cannot remember the name of the girl involved, so she will have to be Name Tag Girl. Oh well...
I was working in Town Square (where Pluto and Daisy can usually be found). I was going along and chatting with the lines, trying to make the long wait more bearable. Along the way, a little girl caught sight of my pin lanyard and asked if she could see them. Of course, I got down and showed her my pins. She was oohing and aahing over all of them. Then, she caught sight of my name tag. She went crazy over it, pointing at the name tag and looking at her mother, saying "She has a name tag! That's so cool! I want a name tag!" I then told her about the Celebration buttons - these say things like First Visit and Happy Birthday and all that. As we were right next to City Hall (Guest Relations), I told her that if she wanted one, she could go over there and ask them to write her name on a button. Her mother then took the girl to City Hall while her father held their place in line. I went off to check on the rest of the lines.
By the time I got back, they had returned. When I walked by, the girl waved excitedly at me. "Look, look!" she said, pointing at her button. "Now I have a name tag! Now I'm just like you!" Her mother then asked me if I would take a picture with her.

Of course, I said yes.

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You know you love the magic.

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

My Not So Favorite Things

In my last post, I highlighted all of my favorite things at Disney. After all, I have to spread a little magic (and give you guys some perspective).

But a few of you (and you know who you are) want to know what my least favorite things about the Disney parks are. That is, not everything at Disney is perfect. Surprise.

Using the same categories as before (Ride, Show, Parade, Fireworks, Restaurant, Store, Character Location, and Mousellaneous), here are the things that I prefer to skip when I visit the parks.

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RIDE: Tomorrowland Speedway

This piece of shit is the biggest waste of time, ever. The premise behind it is...you drive a "car" around a "racetrack."

Ooh! Look at me! I'm driving super slow and making your blood pressure rise!

How slow? 7 mph. That's right, you're going around this track at a whopping 7 mph. And that's assuming the driver in front of you is moving...at all. So, it's basically a ride version of your morning commute to work, except most of the drivers are children.

I don't care if you're six. Fuck you.

It takes forever to get around the track...but first, you have to get to the bloody ride...it's normally at least a 45 minute wait, if not an hour or more. And there are a few spots of shade, but other than that, you're standing in the sun. Which, it's still 90+ degrees in the shade, so does it really even matter? You're still going to broil alive.

And no, there is no FastPass for this ride. So you're stuck waiting the hour as you curse your child for wanting to learn how to drive early.

SHOW: It's Tough to Be a Bug

I'm not a fan of 3D movies. Let's just get that out of the way. (They hurt my eyes, before you accuse me of being a chicken. I really like MuppetVision 3D and Mickey's Philharmagic, but lord, do I pay for it afterwards.) This particular show, however, is the worst one I have ever seen (that's still in existence). Based on the movie A Bug's Life, Flik takes us through the world of bugs and tells us why bugs aren't so scary after all. (Yes, keep telling my arachnophobia that...)

It's also in the Tree of Life, so unfortunately it draws a lot more people than it should.

When you first enter the actual theater, it seems innocent enough. It's lit, people are chatting and happy, and the screen is covered with pretty butterflies.

But then, you start to notice a smell. A faint, acrid smell that reminds you of poop and gasoline...or maybe your brother's socks after football practice.
Well, if you had paid attention to the posters, you would have been warned...

Yeah...part way through the show, you get sprayed with stinkbug funk. And the smell doesn't entirely go away in between shows...I feel sorry for the ones who come to the last show of the day.

Then, after Flik tries to convince us that spraying us wasn't a bad thing... enter Hopper, who somehow (spoiler alert) survived being swallowed by a bird.

ZOMBIE!

Hopper then proceeds to solidify your child's (and my) nightmares for the next few years. He throws out hornets at you. And you get stung. I'm not getting...they fucking sting you.

Not real hornets! Geez, you people are sick.

After that, Flik is just like "...get out, don't squish us." And I'm like... "I AM OUT OF HERE."

PARADE: Main Street Electrical Parade

The only good thing about this parade is the fact that Elliot (Pete's Dragon) is in it. He does a magic trick and confuses Guests of all ages that aren't me or Sprinkles.

Other than that, this parade annoys the hell out of me. It's not just the fact that it blocks all of Main Street with its crowds of curious people so you can't get through to anything on either side, or that it has some of the most annoying, repetitive music known to man. It just feels like it makes no sense.

What's the point? "Look at me, I'm sparkly?" Not exactly a great parade.

Here's the entire bloody thing if you care to listen.

Oh, god...the music...


FIREWORKS: None. All of the fireworks shows that they do are freaking awesome.

Illuminations: Reflections of Earth...

Wishes...

There are some on Fantasmic!...

And The Magic, The Memories, and You!, and Dream Along with Mickey...and they're all fantastic. Disney consistently gets its fireworks right.


RESTAURANT: Tangierine Café

This is a quick service restaurant in Morocco in Epcot. Plain and simple, it's the only restaurant I've ever eaten at where I felt ill afterwards while at the Disney parks. I can hear the naysayers going but that was just a one time thing! Sure, maybe, but now that I'm a bit older and know what food I like, I can honestly say that I don't really want to eat here again. I don't like stews, I don't like lentils, I don't like olives, I REALLY don't like onions, I'm not a fan of lots of sauce...I'm sure you can see the problem.

It's also not air conditioned. (Or, at least, the last time I stuck my head in, it was not)

And I don't know about you, but when it's summertime in Florida, I need to eat my lunch in a cool place.


STORE: Castle Couture

I'm sure the Disney execs will shoot me for this, but it's true. I do not like this store, not one bit.
If the name doesn't give it away, this is where you buy all of those expensive princess dresses that you see all the little girls wearing.

These will easily set you back a pretty penny. I looked around the internet and came up with a price of $65 for the Belle dress. I remember seeing a price of over $100 for one of them, though I can't remember which one it was. But why do I have such a grudge?
Besides the cheaply made/overpriced thing that Disney seems to love, there's the fact that children are the only ones allowed to come to the parks in costume (unless it's Halloween or Star Wars Weekend). I personally love dressing up in costumes, and I'd like to take it to Disney on just a regular day. But I'm not 7 years old or younger...so I can't.

And besides, those same pretty dresses are going to make your young princess broil alive...seriously, have you ever worn that much fabric in July?

Yeah, I'm bitter...I still don't like the place.


CHARACTER LOCATION: Pooh's Thotful Spot

In the Magic Kingdom, there is a place. A place where you can meet Winnie the Pooh and Tigger too. A place where the sun shines all day without rest.

This, my friends, is Pooh's Thotful Spot...in Hell.

There is a tiny bit of shade there in the early morning, but after that, the area is fully in the sun. As you can see by the first picture I posted up there, that's not an exaggeration - it is in the sun. And the wait, for whatever reason, always seems to be around 40 minutes or more. This is a great place to get sunburned and dehydrated, but it's not a great place to meet a character. It's just not.

MOUSELLANEOUS: Stitch's Great Escape

Aka. The inspiration for this whole article.

Stitch's Great Escape is a weird attraction. It's not a ride, and it's kind of a show, but not really...I took to calling it a multi-sensory attraction, because that's the closest I could get. Wikipedia calls it an Interactive Theatre, DisneyWorld.Disney.Go.com calls it a zany, madcap show and a multi-sensory experience. But it also says that it's "fun for everyone." Like Hell it is.

To give you an idea, this attraction used to be the ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter, where everyone's favorite chest burster (yes, THAT Alien) had his way with Disney Guests. It was explicitly stated that it was not for younger children, but we already know that people don't like to read when they go to Disney. Thus, people complained, and it was replaced with Stitch. Because somehow that makes it all better.

Yeeeeeah....about that...

It uses a lot of the same technology and tricks as before...but with a few additions. For example, Stitch steals a guard's chili/onion dog, eats it, and promptly burps in your face. The smell stayed with me for a week.

Also, since it's now Stitch (and everyone is warm and fuzzy from the happy ending of the movie), there are now more young kids going on this than when it was Alien! And there are plenty of adults around who weren't expecting such an intense experience. Therefore, this attraction is actually traumatizing more people than its predecessor! Go Disney! Keep giving us nightmares!

I should probably also mention that you are strapped into a single seat (you can kind of see the seats in that last picture)...and you physically cannot get out. So, when your kid is freaking out and crying out for your help, you can't get to them. You're both stuck where you are.

Sweet dreams.

P.S. This might be me, but when Stitch is "jumping up and down" on my shoulders....it hurts, like a lot.

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Oh, the negativity...that made me tired.

But at least you have a little more perspective. These are things I prefer to skip when I visit the parks, and yeah, I have experienced them all. But remember: These are my opinions. If you like Tangierine Café, then you can eat there. I'll be over at Yakitori House.

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.

My Favorite Disney Things

Young or old, everyone has a favorite thing from Disney, be it a show or a ride or what have you. I wanted to share my favorite thing...but I could not decide which Favorite Thing to show you! I have many favorite things!

So, I'm going to list my favorite things from a few categories: Ride, Show, Parade, Fireworks, Restaurant, Store, Character Location, and Mousellaneous. *ba dum pssh*

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RIDE: Journey Into Imagination With Figment

I can hear the gasps of surprise now. Yes, I absolutely love my thrill rides. Yes, I like roller coasters and out of control elevators. But Journey Into Imagination With Figment is super special awesome. Yeah, it's slow and "for kids." But I'm a kid at heart, and I also value air conditioning. It also has one thing that those other rides do not have.

That guy.

That, my dears, is Figment. He's a purple dragon from your imagination. He loves to make mischief, but he also is very knowledgeable about the imagination. He encourages everyone to tap into theirs, by using every sense that they have and by changing their perspective. And he sings!

Follow the bouncing Figment! Then when you get off the ride, spend time in ImageWorks and have fun!

One little spark can light your fancy/your mind sees more than what your eyes see/one spark of light can make your fancy fly/there's more to sight than meets the eye! - Figment.


SHOW: Fantasmic!

I'll admit it, when I first started working for Disney, I never wanted to see this show. Whenever I would go to Disney's Hollywood Studios, I would see the long line for the show and think "...what on Earth are these people waiting for?" Then I would go on the Tower of Terror again. I finally saw it after being there for nearly five months when my mother came for a visit.
I finally figured out why people wait an hour for this thing. It is the best...

Bloody...

Show...

EVER.

Every major animated character from every major Disney animated feature is in this show in some way, whether through projection or actually up on the stage. Meg, Mushu, Rafiki, Maleficent, the Wicked Queen, Scar, Pocahontas...they're all there. The music is incredible, the message uplifting. And the effects will blow you away...sometimes quite literally.

So, when you see that big long line for Fantasmic!, just know...it is worth it.


PARADE: Move It, Shake It, Celebrate It Street Party

The only parade that actually takes place 3 times a day, you can find this one in the Magic Kingdom in the street in front of the castle. MiSiCi (my-sigh-kai) is a chance for you to dance with your favorite characters to some of the best music from your (or your parents) teenage years.

There are stiltwalkers. There's confetti and streamers. Mickey will generally blow you a kiss if you're by yourself (true story). Conga lines and shaking your tail feathers ensues. It's positively mad, and yet it's one of the most fun things you could ever do at Disney World. And everyone from the Big Cheese himself down to the Incredibles show up to celebrate. Keep your eyes peeled though - there may be a few surprises if you think outside the box!

FIREWORKS: Wishes Nighttime Spectacular

Starlight, star bright...first star I see tonight...I wish I may, I wish I might...have the wish I wish tonight...we'll make a wish, and do as dreamers do...and all our wishes...will come true...


God, I'm tearing up just typing the lyrics. As soon as the voice started singing them in my head...well, you get the picture.
Wishes is the fireworks show that takes place nightly at Magic Kingdom. It's about 12 minutes long, and it's about...well, wishes. About the good things that can come from them, and also the bad - as the villains get a chance to show what their wishes would look like. Needless to say, though, good triumphs in the end, and you're left a happy, crying mess as you sing along with that beautiful little voice.

Oh, wishes...wishes...
*blows nose*


RESTAURANT: Yakitori House

Yakitori House is the quick-service restaurant in the Japan pavilion in Epcot. This is where I had my first taste of teriyaki when I was little. I've loved it ever since.

It doesn't have a huge menu, but it has enough to make you happy. It's a very peaceful place, even when it's very crowded. You're of course welcome to sit at a table inside, but there's a wonderful garden outside where you can sit as well - with lanterns and waterfalls and beautiful plants.

It's a nice place to just sit and relax while you eat. No rush, no worry, just enjoy your steaming, delicious bowl of teriyaki and rice.


STORE: Mitsukoshi Merchandise Store

And once you're done eating, you can walk right across the way to Mitsukoshi, the coolest, nerdiest, most Japanophilic store EVER. There are all kinds of anime merchandise, recipe books, language guides, kimono, shoes, food...this store basically has everything you could ever want for making your home as Japanese as possible.

Sprinkles, we need to go shopping here when we get down there!


CHARACTER LOCATION: Phineas and Ferb's Play and Greet

Oh, come on - were you expecting me to pick a different one?

At Disney's Hollywood Studios, you can actually meet Phineas and Ferb - and they are absolutely adorable. You can't get a hug from Phineas or Ferb and still have a bad day. All the while, you can marvel at the meet and greet area - items from the show, such as the Floating Baby Head and Ducky Momo, make appearances. The music that plays the entire day, even when they aren't out? It's a radio station that plays nothing but Phineas and Ferb music - with characters from the show calling in and making requests. Three guesses what song Buford asks for. And that's not even the best part.
Does anyone remember the episode Lights, Candace, Action!? (If you don't: Phineas and Ferb directed a movie starring Candace - The Curse of the Princess Monster.)

In this episode, we meet acclaimed film producer, Cletus Filmore, who is running the production. Well, guess what? He's in Florida now!

(The guy in the yellow jacket)
He puts the "play" in "play and greet." He encourages us to dance, he leads call and response songs. ("AGLET!") He basically makes the 45+ minutes you're waiting in line much more fun. It's awesome.


MOUSELLANEOUS: The Magic of Disney Animation

Some of you may be calling CHEAT, since part of this is a show. But the show isn't the whole thing. In fact, it's just an appetizer. There is so much more to be done here.
First, let's talk about the show: Drawn to Animation.

You, the humble Guest, are taken on a journey through the process of creating a character - in this case, Mushu from Mulan. It's hilarious and nonsensical, it's educational and entertaining. Please don't be alarmed when Mushu shatters the fourth wall - that's just what he does. Oh, and air conditioning! Don't forget air conditioning.

After the show, you go out into the interactive area.

There are meet and greets with characters here. There's a quiz which tells you which Disney character you are (I'm Cinderella, apparently...). There are some booths where you can put your own voice in an animated cartoon.

And then...the Holy Grail...The Animation Academy.

This, my dears, is where you get to learn how to draw a Disney character. The class is 20 minutes long, and there are a whole range of characters you could learn to draw. I personally got to draw Ray the Firefly when I took it, but I've seen everyone from Mickey and Buzz Lightyear to Tigger and Rapunzel. So you never know who you'll be drawing. Sometimes, the artist won't tell you - you have to guess! Just be patient with yourself - most people there aren't professional artists, and yet you'll still walk away with a drawing you can be proud of.

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And those are my favorite things from Walt Disney World! Hurray!

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.