I'm sure you noticed I've been...not posting...for a few days.
That's because I, Agent R, have begun preparing myself for NaNoWriMo.
Yes, lord love you! I am a NaNo!
Wait...you don't know what a NaNo is?
Sigh.
NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month. Every year during the month of November, several thousand people from all over the world attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. I've tried for the past two years and failed miserably. This year? I'm determined to finish. I have an army of butt kickers and a mountain of research materials.
Having said that, I have doubts that I'll be posting as frequently during November...if I do, they're all going to say something about my novel, and of course you're not interested in that (unless it gets published, which is my goal!)
So, we'll see how things go.
In the mean time, enjoy this video. Don't watch it at work or with your jealous life partner.
AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
13 Pieces of Disney Nightmare Fuel, Part 5
You know what, you're all adults. You know how to find the rest of the list.
With that said...here is the number one film.
1. Pinocchio (1940)
Yep, Pinocchio. Oh yes.
If you can't remember, Pinocchio had a grand total of 5 villains/antagonists. I'll use each of them to carry us through the nightmare fueled journey.
First up, we have Honest John and Gideon.
These two find Pinocchio on his way to school and convince him to follow them. They enthrall him (well, John does) with tales of being an actor and lure him away. Obviously, they have no intent to keep him. They sell him to Stromboli, the extremely greedy puppet master.
He forces Pinocchio to put on shows, threatening to make him firewood if he doesn't comply and locking him in a cage when he isn't performing. Thankfully, with the help of the Blue Fairy, Pinocchio escapes.
Back to our first two. They're out celebrating their cash haul when they run into villain #4, The Coachman.
He hires them to kidnap "stupid little boys" and bring them to Pleasure Island for him. Ignoring the pedophilic implications, they agree, because money makes everything ok. And because the Coachman makes this face:
Now, what happens to the boys on Pleasure Island? Well, they run amok: They can smoke, drink, gamble, and break shit without any adult supervision whatsoever. They essentially act like jackasses...
Oh, shit...
They get turned into literal jackasses.
But Pinocchio escapes one again, and returns home, only to find his father gone. The Blue Fairy informs him that his father has been swallowed...
...by this guy.
Meet villain #5: Monstro the muthafucking...whale? What kind of whale is THAT?!
Yeah. This guy swallowed Pinocchio's dad. And Pinocchio too, shortly after. This is the stuff of nightmares, man...Pinocchio couldn't even say Monstro's name without the other sea critters scattering to the sea breeze.
Yeah.
And there you have it. I'm going to bed.
AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.
With that said...here is the number one film.
1. Pinocchio (1940)
Yep, Pinocchio. Oh yes.
If you can't remember, Pinocchio had a grand total of 5 villains/antagonists. I'll use each of them to carry us through the nightmare fueled journey.
First up, we have Honest John and Gideon.
These two find Pinocchio on his way to school and convince him to follow them. They enthrall him (well, John does) with tales of being an actor and lure him away. Obviously, they have no intent to keep him. They sell him to Stromboli, the extremely greedy puppet master.
He forces Pinocchio to put on shows, threatening to make him firewood if he doesn't comply and locking him in a cage when he isn't performing. Thankfully, with the help of the Blue Fairy, Pinocchio escapes.
Back to our first two. They're out celebrating their cash haul when they run into villain #4, The Coachman.
He hires them to kidnap "stupid little boys" and bring them to Pleasure Island for him. Ignoring the pedophilic implications, they agree, because money makes everything ok. And because the Coachman makes this face:
Now, what happens to the boys on Pleasure Island? Well, they run amok: They can smoke, drink, gamble, and break shit without any adult supervision whatsoever. They essentially act like jackasses...
Oh, shit...
They get turned into literal jackasses.
But Pinocchio escapes one again, and returns home, only to find his father gone. The Blue Fairy informs him that his father has been swallowed...
...by this guy.
Meet villain #5: Monstro the muthafucking...whale? What kind of whale is THAT?!
Yeah. This guy swallowed Pinocchio's dad. And Pinocchio too, shortly after. This is the stuff of nightmares, man...Pinocchio couldn't even say Monstro's name without the other sea critters scattering to the sea breeze.
Yeah.
And there you have it. I'm going to bed.
AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.
13 Pieces of Disney Nightmare Fuel, Part 4
Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Now it's time for Part 4, with movies 4 - 2.
4. The Princess and the Frog (2009)
As this one takes place in a world where voodoo is practiced, you should have known it would be high on the list. The titular frog prince, Naveen, ends up that way because he made a foolish deal with "the Shadow Man," aka. Dr. Facilier.
Word of advice: NEVER trust a Shadow Man, or he'll take your blood and turn you into a critter (and your previous manservant into you while he's at it). Also, don't even imply that he may be a fraud. He doesn't like that.
And, he's called the Shadow Man because his shadow is literally a separate entity. It can grab and manipulate things around it independently from Dr. Facilier.
Naveen, being more awesome than he lets on, managed to escape (and drag Tiana into the mess). This is when we discover the true horror of the story...
Yeah. It seems our friend Facilier is kind of in debt to his "friends" from the other side. And they are growing impatient for him to repay his debt. Nevertheless, they allow him some shadow demons to help him find Naveen.
God, the picture doesn't do it justice...
Anyway, through mishaps and shenanigans, Tiana winds up with the amulet the friends gave Facilier for the transformations. He tempts her with her dreams and visions of her father, if only she would give him the amulet.
But, she does the right thing. She smashes the amulet.
Now, I have one question for you.
ARE. YOU. READY?!?!
3. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Meet Judge Claude Frollo.
The very first thing we learn about him: He hates Gypsies, and he's going out of his way to persecute them. He feels no remorse for killing a mother with a child in her arms in front of his own church, and then goes to kill the baby, who you can probably guess is Quasimodo, the titular hunchback. He's saved only when the Archdeacon steps in and says he has sinned and must atone by caring for the child. His raising of the child is very similar to the one we saw of Rapunzel - completely hidden from the outside world and mentally abused by their captors. However, in this instance, Frollo tells Quasimodo that he is a hideous monster and that he must always hide himself. And when Quasimodo sneaks out of his tower...the results aren't nearly as good.
Yeah...he's tied to the wheel and pelted with rotten food. He's treated like an animal...and when he pleads for help, he's met with cruel laughter and glares. The only one to take mercy on him is Esmerelda, a Gypsy woman who openly defies Frollow and frees Quasimodo. He tries to arrest her, which goes over just about as well as you'd think. She flees and makes it into the cathedral, where she claims sanctuary. She can't be arrested...but Frollo makes it pretty clear that she's his. (Skip to 2:00)
Yeah...ignore the pretty boy. He annoys me.
Anyway, lustful!Frollo now in the mix, he sings the most melodramatic villain song ever: Hellfire.
Yes...he's praying to bed Esmerelda...or send her to Hell. The demonic imagery is pretty spectacular, no?
Surprise, surprise, Esmerelda rejects his advances, and Frollo sentences her to death by burning at the stake.
Quasimodo rescues her from the flames and brings her into the cathedral. Frollo, no longer caring about the laws of the church, goes after her, chasing them all the way to the top of the cathedral. Quasimodo is knocked off the side, and as Esmerelda hangs on for dear life, Frollo comes in for the kill.
"And He shall smite the wicked and plunge them into a fiery pit!"
Gotta love irony.
2. Fantasia (1940)
Oooohhhh lord....Fantasia. Ok.
If you don't know what you're getting into with Fantasia, you'll already be experiencing the biggest mindfuck of your life. However, even if you do have an idea, there are still two sections of Fantasia that are pure, unadulterated nightmare fuel: "The Rite of Spring" and "Night on Bald Mountain."
"The Rite of Spring" is about the creation of the world as described by the scientific world. That is, thousands of years and lava and extinction and the earthquake that split apart the continents. Oh, and you get to watch the dinosaurs all slowly dying of starvation.
I honestly don't know what the scariest part of the Rite of Spring was. The part I can find pictures of is the fight between the Tyrannosaurus Rex and the Stegosaurus, so I'm gonna go with that.
And now, we go to my big man: Chernabog, the star of Night on Bald Mountain.
Originally meant to be Satan himself (Walt said it, not me), Chernabog ("black god") amuses himself nightly be resurrecting the spirits of criminals and his horde of demons, engaging in a fiery orgy of frenzied dancing.
I honestly could not watch this part of Fantasia after seeing it the first time. I started shaking and crying. (Now, of course, it's my favorite part. Go figure)
And there you have it! Only ONE MOVIE TO GO! What could be number 1? Stay tuned!
AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.
4. The Princess and the Frog (2009)
As this one takes place in a world where voodoo is practiced, you should have known it would be high on the list. The titular frog prince, Naveen, ends up that way because he made a foolish deal with "the Shadow Man," aka. Dr. Facilier.
Word of advice: NEVER trust a Shadow Man, or he'll take your blood and turn you into a critter (and your previous manservant into you while he's at it). Also, don't even imply that he may be a fraud. He doesn't like that.
And, he's called the Shadow Man because his shadow is literally a separate entity. It can grab and manipulate things around it independently from Dr. Facilier.
Naveen, being more awesome than he lets on, managed to escape (and drag Tiana into the mess). This is when we discover the true horror of the story...
Yeah. It seems our friend Facilier is kind of in debt to his "friends" from the other side. And they are growing impatient for him to repay his debt. Nevertheless, they allow him some shadow demons to help him find Naveen.
God, the picture doesn't do it justice...
Anyway, through mishaps and shenanigans, Tiana winds up with the amulet the friends gave Facilier for the transformations. He tempts her with her dreams and visions of her father, if only she would give him the amulet.
But, she does the right thing. She smashes the amulet.
Now, I have one question for you.
ARE. YOU. READY?!?!
3. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Meet Judge Claude Frollo.
The very first thing we learn about him: He hates Gypsies, and he's going out of his way to persecute them. He feels no remorse for killing a mother with a child in her arms in front of his own church, and then goes to kill the baby, who you can probably guess is Quasimodo, the titular hunchback. He's saved only when the Archdeacon steps in and says he has sinned and must atone by caring for the child. His raising of the child is very similar to the one we saw of Rapunzel - completely hidden from the outside world and mentally abused by their captors. However, in this instance, Frollo tells Quasimodo that he is a hideous monster and that he must always hide himself. And when Quasimodo sneaks out of his tower...the results aren't nearly as good.
Yeah...he's tied to the wheel and pelted with rotten food. He's treated like an animal...and when he pleads for help, he's met with cruel laughter and glares. The only one to take mercy on him is Esmerelda, a Gypsy woman who openly defies Frollow and frees Quasimodo. He tries to arrest her, which goes over just about as well as you'd think. She flees and makes it into the cathedral, where she claims sanctuary. She can't be arrested...but Frollo makes it pretty clear that she's his. (Skip to 2:00)
Yeah...ignore the pretty boy. He annoys me.
Anyway, lustful!Frollo now in the mix, he sings the most melodramatic villain song ever: Hellfire.
Yes...he's praying to bed Esmerelda...or send her to Hell. The demonic imagery is pretty spectacular, no?
Surprise, surprise, Esmerelda rejects his advances, and Frollo sentences her to death by burning at the stake.
Quasimodo rescues her from the flames and brings her into the cathedral. Frollo, no longer caring about the laws of the church, goes after her, chasing them all the way to the top of the cathedral. Quasimodo is knocked off the side, and as Esmerelda hangs on for dear life, Frollo comes in for the kill.
"And He shall smite the wicked and plunge them into a fiery pit!"
Gotta love irony.
2. Fantasia (1940)
Oooohhhh lord....Fantasia. Ok.
If you don't know what you're getting into with Fantasia, you'll already be experiencing the biggest mindfuck of your life. However, even if you do have an idea, there are still two sections of Fantasia that are pure, unadulterated nightmare fuel: "The Rite of Spring" and "Night on Bald Mountain."
"The Rite of Spring" is about the creation of the world as described by the scientific world. That is, thousands of years and lava and extinction and the earthquake that split apart the continents. Oh, and you get to watch the dinosaurs all slowly dying of starvation.
I honestly don't know what the scariest part of the Rite of Spring was. The part I can find pictures of is the fight between the Tyrannosaurus Rex and the Stegosaurus, so I'm gonna go with that.
And now, we go to my big man: Chernabog, the star of Night on Bald Mountain.
Originally meant to be Satan himself (Walt said it, not me), Chernabog ("black god") amuses himself nightly be resurrecting the spirits of criminals and his horde of demons, engaging in a fiery orgy of frenzied dancing.
I honestly could not watch this part of Fantasia after seeing it the first time. I started shaking and crying. (Now, of course, it's my favorite part. Go figure)
And there you have it! Only ONE MOVIE TO GO! What could be number 1? Stay tuned!
AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.
13 Pieces of Disney Nightmare Fuel, Part 3
You've read Part 1 and Part 2. Here's Part 3 with movies 7 - 5.
7. The Black Cauldron (1985)
This is another one that did poorly at the box office, most likely because people have aneurysms when movies are loosely based on books. But that's another article.
In this story, we follow young assistant pig-keeper Taran and his psychic pig Hen Wen. Hen Wen is sought after by the Horned King to help him find the titular cauldron, because apparently if you're evil the cauldron will do something awesome for you, like give you a makeover.
This, my dears, is the Horned King. He wants power. He wants to rule the world. He wants to be God. He wants to kill you.
He says it himself: "How long I have thirsted to be a god among mortal men." And god forbid you bring him bad news - he will either strangle you or sacrifice you to the cauldron.
Oh, yeah. The cauldron requires sacrifice to operate. Creeper, the Horned King's (very annoying) assistant, almost becomes that sacrifice when he reports bad news. In fact, once the Horned King gets the cauldron working, he abandons all of his living assistants in favor of his "cauldron-born."
His army of the undead, that is.
And in case you needed any more convincing...here's a close-up of the guy.
Have fun sleeping tonight.
6. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937)
This is where it all started. The first ever feature length animated film...and boy, did it leave a lasting effect on us. We start by learning that Snow White is basically being held captive by the Queen, for some reason, and made to be a servant. A Prince happens to overhear her singing, and because he's a prince, decides to sing back and make her fall in love with him. Because that's how these things work.
All the while, the Queen is watching...and she's not happy. After her Magic Mirror declares that Snow White is now the fairest in the land - and not her - she decides to have Snow killed. Not banished. Killed.
She even orders her Huntsman to bring back her heart as proof. The Huntsman almost does...but then chickens out and tells Snow to run for it. One problem with this idea:
Monsters, monsters, everywhere. Alligator logs, demon trees...and the EYES. THE FUCKING EYES.
She eventually makes it out and finds the cottage of the dwarves. After an initial misunderstanding, she's welcomed into their home and all is peaceful for about a day.
Then, Scumbag Magic Mirror has to go and tell the Queen that her loyal Huntsman had given her the heart of a pig. Enraged, the Queen who wants to be the fairest of all decides that the only course of action...is to make herself ugly in the most painful way possible.
Seems legit.
In her uber-ugly disguise, she gives Snow White a poisoned apple, which for some reason immediately puts her in a coma. The animals who have been guarding Snow White get the dwarves, who come back and chase Old Ugly up a mountain....
Bah, you know the rest.
5. Tangled (2010)
Tangled isn't as in your face about its horror factor initially. In fact, compared to some of the other movies on here, this one may seem pretty tame. At first. Then you take a closer look at yet another main villain, Mother Gothel.
We know from the get-go that Gothel isn't Rapunzel's real mother. Gothel kidnapped Rapunzel as a baby and raised her as her own. Rapunzel, as of this movie, is 18 years old. Her real parents have been searching for her for 18 years. Let that sink in for a moment.
But we also know why: Mother Gothel wants Rapunzel's healing hair, which can't be cut or it loses its power. If the girl is so important to her, obviously she's going to treat Rapunzel well, right?
Wrong.
The abuse that she puts Rapunzel through is utterly horrific. She constantly puts Rapunzel down while pulling herself up. ("Look in that mirror. Do you know what I see? I see a strong, confident, beautiful young lady...oh look! You're here too!") It's about as frightening as anything I've seen.
Later, as the film progresses, Mother Gothel slowly starts to show her true colors as a villainess. First, with her manipulation of the Stabbington Brothers...
...followed up by her dark reprise of Mother Knows Best.
Rapunzel eventually makes it to the festival, only to have shit go down. She returns to her tower with Mother Gothel, thoroughly grieving the loss of her friendship with Flynn. She looks up, sees the art she's painted over the years, and figures out that she's the lost princess. She then stands up to Mother Gothel, telling her under no circumstances would she ever let her use her hair again.
And then shit gets real...
"You want me to be the bad guy? Fine...now I'm the bad guy..."
She chains and gags Rapunzel, and when Flynn comes to the rescue, she stabs him.
She then tries to drag Rapunzel off, only for her to fight her. Rapunzel only agrees to stop fighting her if Gothel will allow Rapunzel to heal Flynn. Gothel agrees to this. Flynn pleads with Rapunzel not to, but she won't listen to him, so...
He slices her hair off, which revokes the hair's healing gift for Mother Gothel, and she rapidly starts aging.
Think Dorian Gray...
...just a million times worse.
And there's part 3! Part 4 shall have 4 - 2! What will be number 1? Stay tuned!
AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.
7. The Black Cauldron (1985)
This is another one that did poorly at the box office, most likely because people have aneurysms when movies are loosely based on books. But that's another article.
In this story, we follow young assistant pig-keeper Taran and his psychic pig Hen Wen. Hen Wen is sought after by the Horned King to help him find the titular cauldron, because apparently if you're evil the cauldron will do something awesome for you, like give you a makeover.
This, my dears, is the Horned King. He wants power. He wants to rule the world. He wants to be God. He wants to kill you.
Oh, yeah. The cauldron requires sacrifice to operate. Creeper, the Horned King's (very annoying) assistant, almost becomes that sacrifice when he reports bad news. In fact, once the Horned King gets the cauldron working, he abandons all of his living assistants in favor of his "cauldron-born."
His army of the undead, that is.
And in case you needed any more convincing...here's a close-up of the guy.
Have fun sleeping tonight.
6. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937)
This is where it all started. The first ever feature length animated film...and boy, did it leave a lasting effect on us. We start by learning that Snow White is basically being held captive by the Queen, for some reason, and made to be a servant. A Prince happens to overhear her singing, and because he's a prince, decides to sing back and make her fall in love with him. Because that's how these things work.
All the while, the Queen is watching...and she's not happy. After her Magic Mirror declares that Snow White is now the fairest in the land - and not her - she decides to have Snow killed. Not banished. Killed.
She even orders her Huntsman to bring back her heart as proof. The Huntsman almost does...but then chickens out and tells Snow to run for it. One problem with this idea:
Monsters, monsters, everywhere. Alligator logs, demon trees...and the EYES. THE FUCKING EYES.
She eventually makes it out and finds the cottage of the dwarves. After an initial misunderstanding, she's welcomed into their home and all is peaceful for about a day.
Then, Scumbag Magic Mirror has to go and tell the Queen that her loyal Huntsman had given her the heart of a pig. Enraged, the Queen who wants to be the fairest of all decides that the only course of action...is to make herself ugly in the most painful way possible.
Seems legit.
In her uber-ugly disguise, she gives Snow White a poisoned apple, which for some reason immediately puts her in a coma. The animals who have been guarding Snow White get the dwarves, who come back and chase Old Ugly up a mountain....
Bah, you know the rest.
5. Tangled (2010)
Tangled isn't as in your face about its horror factor initially. In fact, compared to some of the other movies on here, this one may seem pretty tame. At first. Then you take a closer look at yet another main villain, Mother Gothel.
We know from the get-go that Gothel isn't Rapunzel's real mother. Gothel kidnapped Rapunzel as a baby and raised her as her own. Rapunzel, as of this movie, is 18 years old. Her real parents have been searching for her for 18 years. Let that sink in for a moment.
But we also know why: Mother Gothel wants Rapunzel's healing hair, which can't be cut or it loses its power. If the girl is so important to her, obviously she's going to treat Rapunzel well, right?
Wrong.
The abuse that she puts Rapunzel through is utterly horrific. She constantly puts Rapunzel down while pulling herself up. ("Look in that mirror. Do you know what I see? I see a strong, confident, beautiful young lady...oh look! You're here too!") It's about as frightening as anything I've seen.
Later, as the film progresses, Mother Gothel slowly starts to show her true colors as a villainess. First, with her manipulation of the Stabbington Brothers...
...followed up by her dark reprise of Mother Knows Best.
Rapunzel eventually makes it to the festival, only to have shit go down. She returns to her tower with Mother Gothel, thoroughly grieving the loss of her friendship with Flynn. She looks up, sees the art she's painted over the years, and figures out that she's the lost princess. She then stands up to Mother Gothel, telling her under no circumstances would she ever let her use her hair again.
And then shit gets real...
"You want me to be the bad guy? Fine...now I'm the bad guy..."
She chains and gags Rapunzel, and when Flynn comes to the rescue, she stabs him.
She then tries to drag Rapunzel off, only for her to fight her. Rapunzel only agrees to stop fighting her if Gothel will allow Rapunzel to heal Flynn. Gothel agrees to this. Flynn pleads with Rapunzel not to, but she won't listen to him, so...
He slices her hair off, which revokes the hair's healing gift for Mother Gothel, and she rapidly starts aging.
Think Dorian Gray...
...just a million times worse.
And there's part 3! Part 4 shall have 4 - 2! What will be number 1? Stay tuned!
AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.
13 Pieces of Disney Nightmare Fuel, Part 2
See Part 1 for movies 13 - 11. Now on to 10 - 8!
10. Sleeping Beauty (1959)
Sleeping Beauty is one of the early Disney fairy tales. Girl is cursed and falls asleep, prince kisses her, she wakes up with no questions and lives happily ever after. Just like all romances.
Squick aside, the nightmare fuel has nothing to do with either Aurora or Philip. It has to do with Maleficent, the woman/witch/what-the-fuck who cursed Aurora.
The one with the Nice Hat, not the bird. (I don't even care if it is a real hat or not. IT LOOKS COOL.)
Maleficent is the embodiment of evil. She has no real purpose or meaning behind the evil...she is evil for evil's sake. This means she has no morals, no consciences. In other words, she's terrifying. She says she curses Aurora because she wasn't invited to the gathering, but we all know she would have done it anyway.
Because the King and Queen haven't figured out about attempting to avoid fate, they agree to let the Three Good Fairies raise their daughter in the woods until the time given by Maleficent has passed. Maleficent, of course, searches fruitlessly for her, but fails to find her for sixteen years. Unfortunately, being a Good Fairy doesn't mean you're smart, and while flying overhead, Diablo (the bird) spots the flares from the magical duel going on in Aurora's cottage. Maleficent puts two and two together and heads them off...
Aurora falls asleep as promised. Philip is captured, but manages to escape Maleficent's castle (with some Fairy help) and attempts to rescue Aurora. Maleficent is having none of it...
Yeah.
And if you feel like writing this off, just remember: That dragon is really in the Disneyland show Fantasmic!
Still think that dragon isn't scary?
Didn't think so.
9. Dumbo (1941)
Oh, boy...oh boy. Dumbo.
If it's been a while, a little elephant with big ears is born into the circus. His mama loves him, but everyone else makes fun of him for his giant ears.
It goes downhill quick when he is brought into the circus. An obnoxious boy pulls on his ears, which causes her to grab him and spank him.
(It's the only video I could find, give me a break)
Apparently, spanking another species is bad, because she's branded a "mad elephant" and put in chains...and elephant jail.
Dumbo goes to visit her, which is depressing as hell...
And then...
The moment you've been waiting for.
Dumbo gets drunk as shit and sees THAT.
Christ, I done here...
8. The Lion King (1994)
As with Sleeping Beauty up there, The Lion King's main nightmare fuel comes from its main villain, Scar. Scar (because I'm sure you've all forgotten) wants to be king, so he kills his brother Mufasa and has his son, Simba, banished (though he had aimed to kill him).
His first moment of pure nightmare/awesomeness comes during his epic Villain Song, "Be Prepared."
Not only does it lay out exactly what Scar has in mind (killing his brother and nephew), the hyenas mimic the Nazi marches from WWII Germany. Bad Nazi Scar. Bad.
Next up, we're in a gorge with Scar and Simba...
Cue the horrific stampede of wildebeest...
Mufasa comes to his son's rescue and manages to get him out before being pulled back in himself. He leaps to the cliffside and begins to climb to safety. He gets almost to the top and sees Scar standing at the top, watching him, and he pleads for help.
Scar then clamps down painfully on Mufasa's paws...and utters the single most spine-chilling line ever uttered... (In 27 languages, just to drive the point home)
After Simba finds Mufasa's body, Scar banishes him and sends his hyenas after him. They fail to catch him, choosing instead to let him starve in the desert. Fast forward to Simba's adulthood after Nala finds him and smacks some sense into him. Simba returns to find Scar has completely neglected his true duties as king and turned the Pridelands into a wasteland. Simba and his friends challenge Scar's reign, resulting in a fiery battle that's every bit as brutal as you can imagine. Minus the blood, of course.
And then Simba throws Scar off a cliff. He survives...but not for long...
You see, in hopes that Simba would spare him, Scar sold out his hyena buddies. Unfortunately, they heard him. And they weren't happy about it, especially after all the shit they'd put up with...
That's right. This whole time you were afraid of Scar...you were fearing the wrong guy.
And that's part 2! Part 3 shall be upon us...after I watch some more MLP:FiM.
AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.
10. Sleeping Beauty (1959)
Sleeping Beauty is one of the early Disney fairy tales. Girl is cursed and falls asleep, prince kisses her, she wakes up with no questions and lives happily ever after. Just like all romances.
Squick aside, the nightmare fuel has nothing to do with either Aurora or Philip. It has to do with Maleficent, the woman/witch/what-the-fuck who cursed Aurora.
The one with the Nice Hat, not the bird. (I don't even care if it is a real hat or not. IT LOOKS COOL.)
Maleficent is the embodiment of evil. She has no real purpose or meaning behind the evil...she is evil for evil's sake. This means she has no morals, no consciences. In other words, she's terrifying. She says she curses Aurora because she wasn't invited to the gathering, but we all know she would have done it anyway.
Because the King and Queen haven't figured out about attempting to avoid fate, they agree to let the Three Good Fairies raise their daughter in the woods until the time given by Maleficent has passed. Maleficent, of course, searches fruitlessly for her, but fails to find her for sixteen years. Unfortunately, being a Good Fairy doesn't mean you're smart, and while flying overhead, Diablo (the bird) spots the flares from the magical duel going on in Aurora's cottage. Maleficent puts two and two together and heads them off...
Aurora falls asleep as promised. Philip is captured, but manages to escape Maleficent's castle (with some Fairy help) and attempts to rescue Aurora. Maleficent is having none of it...
Yeah.
And if you feel like writing this off, just remember: That dragon is really in the Disneyland show Fantasmic!
Still think that dragon isn't scary?
Didn't think so.
9. Dumbo (1941)
Oh, boy...oh boy. Dumbo.
If it's been a while, a little elephant with big ears is born into the circus. His mama loves him, but everyone else makes fun of him for his giant ears.
It goes downhill quick when he is brought into the circus. An obnoxious boy pulls on his ears, which causes her to grab him and spank him.
(It's the only video I could find, give me a break)
Apparently, spanking another species is bad, because she's branded a "mad elephant" and put in chains...and elephant jail.
Dumbo goes to visit her, which is depressing as hell...
And then...
The moment you've been waiting for.
Dumbo gets drunk as shit and sees THAT.
Christ, I done here...
8. The Lion King (1994)
As with Sleeping Beauty up there, The Lion King's main nightmare fuel comes from its main villain, Scar. Scar (because I'm sure you've all forgotten) wants to be king, so he kills his brother Mufasa and has his son, Simba, banished (though he had aimed to kill him).
His first moment of pure nightmare/awesomeness comes during his epic Villain Song, "Be Prepared."
Not only does it lay out exactly what Scar has in mind (killing his brother and nephew), the hyenas mimic the Nazi marches from WWII Germany. Bad Nazi Scar. Bad.
Next up, we're in a gorge with Scar and Simba...
Cue the horrific stampede of wildebeest...
Mufasa comes to his son's rescue and manages to get him out before being pulled back in himself. He leaps to the cliffside and begins to climb to safety. He gets almost to the top and sees Scar standing at the top, watching him, and he pleads for help.
Scar then clamps down painfully on Mufasa's paws...and utters the single most spine-chilling line ever uttered... (In 27 languages, just to drive the point home)
After Simba finds Mufasa's body, Scar banishes him and sends his hyenas after him. They fail to catch him, choosing instead to let him starve in the desert. Fast forward to Simba's adulthood after Nala finds him and smacks some sense into him. Simba returns to find Scar has completely neglected his true duties as king and turned the Pridelands into a wasteland. Simba and his friends challenge Scar's reign, resulting in a fiery battle that's every bit as brutal as you can imagine. Minus the blood, of course.
And then Simba throws Scar off a cliff. He survives...but not for long...
You see, in hopes that Simba would spare him, Scar sold out his hyena buddies. Unfortunately, they heard him. And they weren't happy about it, especially after all the shit they'd put up with...
That's right. This whole time you were afraid of Scar...you were fearing the wrong guy.
And that's part 2! Part 3 shall be upon us...after I watch some more MLP:FiM.
AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.
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