Disney Parks Ride Guide - EPCOT

So, you've spent the day at Hollywood Studios? Where to next?
How about the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow - better known as EPCOT?
Good choice, I say. But what is there to ride?
Oh, you have no idea...

RIDES

Spaceship Earth
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: There's darkness, and at one point you go backwards. If you're closed-minded about technology, you'll have a heart attack.
Ride Description: A slow moving journey through time that shows the history and development of communication.
Fast-Pass: NO

Universe of Energy: Ellen's Energy Adventure
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible
General Warnings: There are dinosaurs and loud noises. An evil lesbian hosts the ride. And it's really long (45 minutes long, I think).
Ride Description: A slow-moving tram ride that educates you all about energy.
Fast-Pass: NO


Mission: SPACE
Height Restrictions: 44"/3 ft 8 in tall.
Wheelchairs: Must. Transfer.
General Warnings: G-forces, simulator, darkness, often causes motion sickness, it spins, it moves...basically, be in really, really good health or else you could get seriously hurt. Seriously.
Ride Description: A simulator that takes Guests on a mission to Mars. There's a Green (less intense) and an Orange (more intense) version. Choose wisely.
Fast-Pass: YES (for Orange only)


Test Track
Height Restrictions: 40"/3 ft 4 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Goes 65 mph at its fastest. Exposure to heat, cold, wind, G-forces. You almost collide with a few things as well. Oh, and it can get loud.
Ride Description: A simulated test on an automobile, making sure it's safe to be let out on the road. You're the test dummy.
Fast-Pass: YES


Journey into Imagination with Figment
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible! Yay!
General Warnings: Brief periods of darkness, an overwhelming amount of Figment's imagination.
Ride Description: Slow moving ride that unlocks the imagination! Everyone will love it! (Watch out for the butterfly!)
Fast-Pass: NO


Living with the Land
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible
General Warnings: Plants, plants, plants everywhere! Beware of plant allergies. Also, don't let your kid fall into the water.
Ride Description: A slow-moving boat ride through the Epcot greenhouses and other scenes that will educate you about plants.
Fast-Pass: YES (Why? I don't know. There is RARELY a long wait...)


Soarin'
Height Restrictions: 40"/3 ft 4 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer.
General Warnings: Heights, smelling like oranges and pine. No loose articles.
Ride Description: A dizzying flight over California. Glide over the ocean, smell the orange groves!
Fast-Pass: YES


The Seas with Nemo and Friends
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible
General Warnings: Remember the movie Finding Nemo? Remember Bruce going on the rampage? How about that whole bit in the trench? Yeah, those are on this ride.
Ride Description: Ride in a slow moving clam and be reminded of everything you saw in Finding Nemo within five minutes!
Fast-Pass: NO


Gran Fiesta Tour Starring the Three Caballeros
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible
General Warnings: If you're racist, you really won't like this ride...or this whole pavilion for that matter.
Ride Description: Another slow moving boat ride, hosted by the Three Caballeros.
Fast-Pass: NO

Maelstrom
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It's a dark boat ride, you go down some waterfalls, and HOLY SHIT THERE ARE TROLLS.
Ride Description: Another boat ride! This one moves slightly faster and is about Norway!
Fast-Pass: YES

In case you weren't counting, that's 10 rides. Epcot has 10 rides.
Next stop for the riding good time of your life: Animal Kingdom!

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.