Disney Parks Ride Guide - Magic Kingdom

Oh, boy. Here it is. The big one. There are SO MANY RIDES at Magic Kingdom.
For convenience, I will be going clockwise, starting in Adventureland.

RIDES

The Magic Carpets of Aladdin
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: ...Again, it says it's accessible. Yay technology?
General Warnings: You'll be spit on by a camel.
Ride Description: It goes up and down and all around in a family-friendly fashion!
Fast-Pass: NO

Jungle Cruise
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible! Woot!
General Warnings: Puns. Lots and lots of puns.
Ride Description: A boat ride through the jungles and rivers of the world. With puns.
Fast-Pass: YES


Pirates of the Caribbean
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: A little drop, water, darkness, canons, fire.
Ride Description: A boat ride through what is now the movie franchise of Pirates of the Caribbean.
Fast-Pass: NO


Splash Mountain
Height Restrictions: 40"/3 ft 4 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Water, darkness, and there are a few drops.
Ride Description: A water ride that plunges you all the way down into a briar patch.
Fast-Pass: YES


Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
Height Restrictions: 40"/3 ft 4 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It goes up...and then it goes DOWN! Oh, and don't stick your hands up. Just don't.
Ride Description: It's a bloody roller coaster. What more do you want?
Fast-Pass: YES


Liberty Square Riverboat
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible
General Warnings: Seasickness alert!
Ride Description: It's a riverboat ride around Tom Sawyer Island.
Fast-Pass: NO


The Haunted Mansion
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Ghosts, ghouls, goblins, darkness.
Ride Description: It's a slow moving Doom Buggy ride through a haunted house.
Fast-Pass: NO


"it's a small world"
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Bad grammar, insanely creepy children singing the ultimate Ear Worm.
Ride Description: Boat ride! With children singing! And many languages!
Fast-Pass: NO


Peter Pan's Flight
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It's a scary pirate! And I'm flying!
Ride Description: A boat ride in the air.
Fast-Pass: YES


Dumbo the Flying Elephant
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Long, long wait for a two-minute ride.
Ride Description: Fly with Dumbo! Up and down and up and down and boom! You're done.
Fast-Pass: NO


Prince Charming Regal Carrousel
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It spins like a boss.
Ride Description: It's a merry-go-round...prancing horses and all that.
Fast-Pass: NO


Snow White's Scary Adventures
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It's got the word "scary" in the name for a good reason.
Ride Description: A classic dark ride through the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
Fast-Pass: NO


The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Jerky, don't go on this ride while on drugs.
Ride Description: A more fun dark ride through the adventures of Pooh Bear!
Fast-Pass: YES


Mad Tea Party
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Transfer
General Warnings: Spinning! Lots of spinning! Weeee!!!
Ride Description: It spins around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around....
Fast-Pass: NO


Tomorrowland Indy Speedway
Height Restrictions: 32"/2 ft 8 in to ride with a grown-up, 54"/4 ft 6 in to ride alone.
Wheelchairs: Must transfer.
General Warnings: Insanely long wait. If you're over the age of 6 you will die from boredom on this ride.
Ride Description: A slow "car race" around a "track."
Fast-Pass: NO


Space Mountain
Height Restrictions: 44"/3 ft 6 in
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: Darkness, loud noises, don't raise your hands if you value them.
Ride Description: Space Mountain...it's a mountain in spaaaaaaace!!! (And also a roller coaster)
Fast-Pass: YES


Tomorrowland Transmit Authority ("PeopleMover")
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: You have to walk, assisted or not, to the ride. So, no. No wheelchairs.
General Warnings: It's kind of high up...
Ride Description: A slow tram ride that shows you all of the things that Tomorrowland has to offer.
Fast-Pass: NO


Astro Orbiter
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Must transfer
General Warnings: It's really high up. And there's always a long wait for it.
Ride Description: It's like Dumbo...just high up.
Fast-Pass: NO


Carousel of Progress
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Accessible
General Warnings: Not very exciting unless you're a history nerd.
Ride Description: A slow, air-conditioned journey through time and invention.
Fast-Pass: NO


Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin
Height Restrictions: None
Wheelchairs: Transfer like a baus.
General Warnings: Your arms will hate you after this ride.
Ride Description: It's a game and a ride in one!
Fast-Pass: YES


Wow. So many rides... X.x And that's JUST rides.
You see why I said you can't do Magic Kingdom in one day? That was 20 rides. TWENTY.

I'm gonna go get something to eat...

AGENT R IS OUT. PEACE.